We Learn From Making Mistakes and Repairing Them

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.

“We do not believe in perfection, we believe in mending. We make progress toward a goal, but we seldom move in a straight line toward it without missteps. Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and then spills it all over again. We try to do our best, but inevitably we make mistakes. So a large part of normal daily life is spent mending.

When we accept imperfection as a fact of life, we make peace with the constant need for repairs. Saying I made a mistake and I owe you an apology is never fun, but when we do it we grow stronger. Every disappointment, every complaint, points to an underlying hope or wish. We can use them to point us to repairs we would like to make. We do not learn anything new from correctly repeating what we already know. We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.
Select one complaint or one mistake that you want to mend and turn it into a learning experience.”

As you are reading the above quote what life imperfection comes to mind? Are you beating yourself for not being in control, having trouble relating to anyone or do you feel you are not moving fast enough in accomplishing your goals?

As I am moving on my bereavement journey sometimes I make a turn and feel like my life is falling apart. It takes a conversation with someone close to me to help me re-enter the right track. As the quote above states, “Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and spills it all over again.” What I am learning instead of focusing on the mistakes STOP take a deep breath and think about what you learned from the experience.

Francis was always beating herself up because she was a vegetarian and felt deprived if there wasn’t a big bowl of candy waiting for her at the end of the day. She continually told herself, “If I eat healthy during the day I won’t want the candy at night.” As the night proceeded she always sat down with the bowl. Francis even tried having her husband hide the candy and when it was not available she would run to the store and buy more. This pattern went on for a long period of time. What Francis did not realize was if we continue doing the same thing over and over nothing changes. We have to learn from our mistakes and make changes.

We started working together and after Francis told me what was happening we decided to try a new approach to her circumstances. The first step was to stop blaming herself for eating the candy and acknowledge herself for being a loving and kind person. For the next few months Francis worked on making amends to herself for constantly being her worst critic and opponent.

Gradually she started realizing that befriending herself gave her self-confidence and the willingness not to eat the candy and have a piece of fruit and nuts instead. What a beautiful gift she gave herself.

Now it is your turn to select one issue that is making you unhappy and turn it into a learning experience. Do you have to make amends to yourself or someone else or take a new approach? Take the following steps:
• Write about what is making you unhappy.
• List the reasons you don’t want to change anything.
• List what changes you are willing to make.
• Review both lists.
• List the one to two small things you will change and by when.
• Share with someone or let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what changes you are willing to make and by when.
• The best gift you can give yourself is ask for support as you are progressing down life’s journey.

Good luck on your new journey! I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen