New Year's Resolutions Do Not Work

Today is January 3, 2008 and almost every email I am receiving is about, “Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions and Achieving Your Goals.” Most of the articles report that our New Year’s Resolutions are forgotten within a short period of time.

An article written by Doug Vermeeren (www.douglasvermeeren.com) states, “The Traditional goal-setting formula most people follow was developed in the early 1900s in manufacturing to enable company executives to monitor the number of units coming out of a factory by a certain date. It’s a great measuring stick if you’re manufacturing products, but if you are trying to improve yourself or achieve something non-tangible, it’s a woefully ineffective and out-of-date process. For example, if your goal is to have a better relationship with your spouse, the traditional goal-setting formula simply won’t work.”

I realized after reading this information it is no wonder we become discouraged when the plan we devise to change our behaviors and habits does not work. What can we do differently?

Let’s take for example a mother wants to spend more time with her family at night instead of everyone doing their own thing. On New Year’s Day all the members of the Peach family sat around the kitchen table and discussed what each person would have to do each night so they could spend more time together. Their plan:

• Sally, mother, will help the children with their homework while dinner is cooking.
• Steve, father, will finish cooking the dinner when he gets home.
• Billy, 10 year old son, will walk the dog after everyone finishes eating.
• Susie, 7 year old daughter, will help her mother and father clean the kitchen after dinner.

When the kitchen was cleaned and Billy came back from walking the dog they played different board games and one night they worked on a 1000 piece puzzle. Everyone had a great time laughing and spending time together.

This plan worked for about two weeks and then everyone went back to their old routine of doing homework after dinner, taking forever to clean the kitchen and too tired to play any games.

What could they have done differently to ensure they would continue spending time together after dinner instead of going back to their old routine? The answer is to support each other in practicing this new behavior. An example: Susie had to finish a project which had to be done that night. Instead of the other family members doing their own thing they could have all worked together on the project and spent time together.

Changing a habit takes practice. We have our old habits for a very long time and changing them sometimes is hard work. The secret for changing a habit is to practice, practice, and practice the new behavior. Some steps you could take in changing your behaviors:

1. Decide what behavior you would like to change. Example: Pay my bills on time.
2. Determine what small steps you are going to take. Example: Schedule time in your calendar when you will pay the bills. This appointment is not to be changed.
3. If you want to revert back to your old behavior, think about the benefits of accomplishing the small step. Example: After paying your bills on time there won’t be any late charges for that month.
4. Seek support from a friend or family member. Together you can accomplish more with a team effort than alone.
5. Keep reminding yourself about your new behavior. Write it on a piece of paper and keep it in a place where you will see it all the time.
6. Celebrate after you have taken that small step.
7. Be kind to yourself if you slip. As my mother used to say, “Rome was not built in a day.” It takes time to change our behaviors.
8. Practice, practice and practice some more.

In a nut shell: Instead of making New Year’s Resolutions that are forgotten in a short period of time, change your behaviors by taking small steps, acknowledge your accomplishments, be kind to yourself, seek support and continue practicing, practicing and practicing the new habit.