Love Yourself – It Matters!

The Love Yourself - It Matters! Blog has moved.

2010-01-24T20:22:00.001-05:00

Please join us on our new Blog Site:

Love Yourself Coaching - It Matters! Blog

Be a successful coach!

2010-01-09T22:55:00.002-05:00

Join the Circle for NEW Coaches to build your
practice, confidence and credit hours.

Helen Burton, CEC, ACC, founder of Love Yourself Coaching, has been leading coaching circles and mastermind groups for seven years. As an expert group leader, Helen has helped many coaches gain the confidence needed to build their communication skills and coaching style to be a successful and effective coach.

Learn more about Helen by visiting her online at, LoveYourselfCoaching.com.

Benefits of the Coaches’ Circle:

Begin coaching a real client now.
Immediately apply feedback received from an experienced coach.
Earn income and coaching hours for your ICF Credentialing.

How does the Circle work?

A new coach and experienced coach are carefully matched to work together.
Each coach alternates being the client.
Following each session, the experienced coach shares valuable learning tools and feedback with the new coach.

“It has been a pleasure to be in the Coaches’ Coaching Circle for new coaches. Been very helpful to get a different perspective, which allows the learning to continue. Helen is genuine, caring, authentic and a great one to have riding with you on a portion of your life journey. She is most encouraging and meets you where you are which is a gift. Thanks Helen for working with a new coach.” Judy Meade

Who can join?

Each month The Coaches’ Coaching Circle is open to new coaches who are currently enrolled in a coach training or graduated from a Coaching School.

Cost?

Join the Circle for $200 per month.
Includes 2 private hours with an experienced coach!

New Coaches Income: Earn $75 per month.
(2 hours of coaching per month).

Register Today! Email Helen.

Reserve your spot and begin applying your coaching knowledge right away!

helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net

Coaches' Guidelines for Business Success

2010-01-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

"24 Things to Always Remember…
And One Thing to Never Forget

Your presence is a present to the world.
You’re unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You’ll make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don’t put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem,
the heaver it gets.
Don’t take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot…goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life’s treasures are people…together.

Realize that it’s never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.

And don’t ever forget…
for even a day…
how very special you are.”
~ Collin McCarty

Reading Collin McCarty’s quote I was reminded if we focus on the many gifts we are receiving and not what we think should be happening our lives become easier.

Today is a new day and with this golden opportunity we can start thinking about our coaching business in whatever way we want. You can continue worrying about not attracting clients or keep telling yourself to “Trust the Process.”

Sorry folks, thinking does not make things happen you have to take action. Below are some small steps you can take to change your thinking and make things happen.

• Read Collin Mc Carty’s quote daily.
• Remind yourself constantly during the day to “Trust the Process.”
• Each day pick a new small step you will take to market your business. Example: Research networking events scheduled for the current month and register for an event.

Share your new action steps you will be taking in January to promote your coaching business. Together we can move mountains!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Successful Business Strategies for Coaches

2009-12-23T10:14:00.001-05:00

“A dream is in the mind of the believer,
and in the hands of the doer.
You are not given a dream,
without being given the power
to make it come true.”
Anonymous

We all have a dream our business will take off as soon as we make the decision to become business owners. What happened??

Sometimes thinking if only I knew what a long road it took to become a successful business owner would I have taken that leap. The answer is a loud, “YES.”

I had a dream and driving force in me to make it happen. To be honest I sometimes struggled and wanted to give up. Then within a very short period of time my thinking changed and I was back on the road marketing the Love Yourself programs.

We are at the end of 2009 and looking forward to 2010. Before we turn the page let’s think about all the great strides we made this year.

Below is a little exercise that will help you uncover the strides you made and new techniques to implement.
• List all the new marketing techniques you implemented in 2009. Example: When first meeting someone I ask about them instead of telling them I am a coach. It is amazing during the conversation they always ask, "What type of business do you have?" At that point I simply mention I am a business coach and have them ask me questions.
• Review the list of techniques deciding what worked and you need to change. Example: I was working with the Unemployed and found it was not a profitable income stream. Made a decision not to focus on the Unemployed Niche.
• Brainstorm and list new ideas. Example: This year I will offer to write an article for a gym or Spa’s Newsletter.
• Create a marketing plan including new and old techniques with accountable dates.
• Become active in the Love Yourself – It Matters Community by leaving comments and asking questions.

Be creative this is your pilot program and it will give you the opportunity to be more pro-active in your business. Working together we can support each other in growing successful businesses.

Remember…Rome was not built in a day and by taking small steps your dream will come true.

Enjoy the holiday season and continue creating happy memories.

Helen

Having Faith Creates Miracles

2009-12-09T11:11:00.002-05:00

“Faith is believing
before receiving.”
Alfred A Montapert

As a holiday present to my daughter and son-in-law I am watching Jeffrey, my grandson, and Charlie a 100 pound Lab for a week.

Yesterday morning started out very calmly and got ready to leave for school. One of the things we do before leaving for school is walk Charlie. Let me correct myself, Charlie walks us.

The walk was a bit of a struggle and we arrived home a little tired. Jeffrey removed Charlie’s leash and before we knew it the dog ran away. Both of us started running after Charlie and had no luck capturing him.

At one point we were very close to him and before we could grab him he took off again. At that point I lost sight of Jeffrey and Charlie.

Franticly I started running around the blocks yelling for Jeffrey and Charlie. While yelling I was asking God to help me.

I turned a corner and there was Jeffrey walking with a woman who had Charlie on a tight leash. My heart stopped for a moment and relief flooded my body.

When I regained my composure, I could not thank her enough for bringing Jeffrey and Charlie home. We brought Charlie into the house and put him into his cage where he slept for most of the day.

Jeffrey and I were a total mess. We sat and thanked God for sending us an Angel.

The important lessons we learned were to always close the garage door before taking Charlie’s leash off and how to walk Charlie so we are in control not him.

During this experience I looked fear in the face and kept moving forward. If for a second I let the fear take over I would not have been able to keep my hope alive.

Praying is a form of meditation that clams you down and restores your faith that things will work out.

What experiences have you had in which prayers restored your faith that things will work out for the best.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Relieving Holiday Stress

2009-12-03T15:17:00.001-05:00

“…be the change
you wish
to see in
the world..”
-gandhi

I was thinking before writing on my blog today, “Holidays can be a very painful time.” Having expectations the holidays will be fun, relaxing and receive the love and support we crave from others.

Hello, guess again. What reality usually dictates is that we are busy shopping, running around to beat the clock and annoyed with people in general.

What happened to our holiday expectations? Down the drain!

We don’t realize that not having our expectations become reality we subconsciously become angry and instead of enjoying the holidays they become a burden.

As Gandhi says,” Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Take a step back and rearrange your thinking and schedule.

Let me tell you a little story.

I was out shopping for gifts the other night and everything I picked up was just not right for the person I was thinking about. After walking around the mall for over an hour I decided to stop for a cup of coffee and go home.

Listening to the people on line behind me complaining about the holidays made me realize I was doing the same thing.

I started to think of what could I do differently?

I found a bench and just rested for awhile drinking my coffee. The idea popped into my head to ask my grandchildren for a wish list. Then I could have some direction and buy what they really wanted.

I went home, called each grandchild and asked them to give me a wish list of only 3 things. The older ones wanted to spend a day in NYC with me or just go out for dinner. The others gave me their choices. It made my life so much easier and I had a happy memory speaking with each and everyone of them about the holiday season.

What can you do to make this season a little easier, create memories and enjoy yourself?

Please share your ideas with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. I look forward to reading your comments.

Helen

Dealing with Pain for the Unemployed

2009-11-30T07:19:00.000-05:00

“Positive Thinking Is…

…not always the easiest course of action
when confronting difficulties.
If, however, we can remain focused
on keeping hope strong and
not succumbing to negative influences,
we will meet with success
in dealing with anything
life may throw in our path.”
Hiram Rogers Lloyd

Truer words have not been spoken, staying positive is not the easiest thing to do. The feelings of fear and sadness overwhelm us in a flash.

What are we to do?

My old stand-by is to let them come and know the feelings are temporary moments. You will make it through and the feelings will fade.

The other day I was writing an article and all of a sudden the pain of loss returned in such intensity that I could not breathe. My initial reaction was to do something that would make me feel better.

I ran out to my car and went to the local Duncan Donuts for coffee. To my surprise the pain remained. Coming home the tears started flowing and I was once again consumed by my sadness and fears.

I then tried affirmations and wrapped myself in a blanket. Nothing worked. Just sitting there with my coffee and not moving the pain started to lessen. Within time I was starting to feel better.

What I learned from this experience was not to fight my emotions, be with them and within time my mood brightened. I was then able to function again and complete the article.

Nothing in this world will take our feelings of fear and sadness away. Our only line of defense is to experience the moment and have hope things will get better.

Please share with the Unemployed Community what fears and sadness you are experiencing. Letting others know your true feelings will take the pain away and together we will create a positive journey for us all.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Happy Thoughts for the Unemployed

2009-11-25T15:09:00.000-05:00

"Expect to have hope rekindled.
Expect your prayers to be answered in
wondrous ways.
The dry seasons in life do not last.
The spring rains will come again.”
Sarah Ban Breathnach

Tomorrow in the United States we will be celebrating Thanksgiving. It is a day for family, friends, lots and lots of food and a time to be grateful.

I am sure you are thinking, “Get real Helen, what do I have to be grateful for I am unemployed and will probably never find a job again.”

I am not going to debate you, it is a very hard time in your life right now. The one thing you do have is hope. It is up to you to believe things will be different.

As Sarah Ban Breathnach quotes, “The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.”

So pick yourself up and let’s turn your thinking around. It is just as easy to focus on what really happened instead of blaming yourself.

You might ask how can I change my thinking in an instant? Take the following small steps:

• Negative thought pops up, “I cannot face my family tomorrow.” Say out loud what really happened. Example: It was not my fault the company closed.”
• Take a few sheets of paper and keep writing what really happened until you start believing it.

We sometimes become drama queens and kings and find ourselves falling down a deep hole. It is our responsibility to change things around as quickly as possible.

One thing that scares others is to see us stay in that dark hole. When we are positive it gives us strength and others hope that things will change.

Go out there and be either Superman or Superwoman and make your life and others brighter.

If you are going to a Thanksgiving Dinner with family and friends remember you are the same person you have always been.

One trick I have learned from a client is when someone asks you about your job situation, always smile and say, "Thanks for asking I have a lot of possibilities,” and then ask them a question about themselves.

People love to talk about themselves.

Enjoy your life and expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.

Wishing everyone a Thanksgiving Day that is sprinkled with happiness, love and abundance!

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what you are grateful for and your experiences during Thanksgiving. I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Fear Plays a Big Part in the Life of the Unemployed

2009-11-11T07:31:00.000-05:00

“Of all the liars
in the world,
sometimes the worst are
your own fears.”
Rudyard Kipling

Your own FEARS play such a big part in your life especially while traveling on the familiar unemployed path.

I once heard fear is "False evidence appearing real." We are experts at telling ourselves we will never find another job, my family hates me because I am unemployed, I am a failure, etc… In reality none of these fears are true.

Let’s stop here and take a deep breath. Close your eyes and say out loud, "I am safe and opportunities are popping up all the time.”

Reassuring ourselves we are safe and something will happen are our magic keys for feeling okay and giving ourselves the motivation to continue riding the waves of this journey.

What could you do differently today so the creative juices keep flowing and new opportunities are surfacing?

Take a moment before jumping into any new action and think about your past experiences. What worked and what didn’t?

Little exercise you can do:
• List 5 actions you took that worked.
• List 5 actions you took that did not work.
• Review both lists.
• Pick the most successful action step.
• Chose the the most disastrous one.
• Create an action step that takes into consideration both the successful and disastrous ones.

Doing this exercise you will realize what steps worked and which didn’t. Then you can move forward and create an action steps taking both aspects into consideration.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community your most successful and disastrous action steps. We can learn from each other.

Remember to play our little game. Wednesday is a day for Miracle Awareness. During the day look for miracles, write them down and say them out loud.

It is very lonely being out here alone and would like to hear what is going on in your life. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Having Faith While On the Unemployed Journey

2009-11-09T07:17:00.000-05:00

“Faith is much better than belief.
Belief is when someone else
does the thinking.”
R. Buckmender

YEAH!!! We are in control and do not have to depend solely on anyone else while journeying along this unemployed path.

My interpretation of R. Buckmender’s quote is that we have the ability to make our own choices instead of waiting for someone else to tell us what to do.

This does not mean we should not seek support, learn from other’s experiences or be open to possibilities. What it does mean we should do our own thinking, research, and take action steps.

In the long run the task of finding another job is in our own hands.

Let me tell you a little story.

Jane’s last job was an office manager for a large non-profit organization. She worked there for over 15 years and always felt this was her last job before retiring.

Surprise, surprise things did not go as planned. The non-profit was losing funding for awhile and one day a decision was made to reorganize. Unfortunately, Jane’s division was effected and she was one of the 20 people laid-off.

At first she was in denial and could not believe what was happening. Then reality set in, she was off and running to find a new job.

Jane contacted many people, they told her they would look around and see what was happening. She truly believed that someone would find another job for her. Jane waited patiently for someone to call her back with a job interview. As time past nothing happened.

Instead of doing her research, taking action steps Jane was hoping others would do the work for her. Unfortunately, in most cases finding a job does not work out this way. You have to be proactive even though you have the belief someone will help you find a job.

One of the key ingredients for finding a job is have faith you will be employed again and at the same time keep working diligently even though you have a possibility. As we have all learned things fall through and why put your eggs in one basket.

Remember…we all will be working again it is only a matter of time.

Are you playing our game?

Monday is Smile Day
• Walk out your front door and go to the nearest coffee shop.
• Walking into the coffee shop put a smile on your face. You don’t have to mean it just use those smile muscles. It is a scientific fact when you use your smile muscles your body has no clue whether you are smiling.
• Make eye contact with the first person you see with that smile on your face.
• Continue playing this game.

Eventually your smile will become natural, people will start talking to each other and YOU will feel better.

A smile costs you nothing and lightens up the world.

Looking forward to hearing about your experiences regarding belief vs. faith while on your unemployed journey.

Enjoy your day and smile often. Love to hear what attitude shifts are happening while playing our little game.

Helen

Being Selfish While on the Unemployed Journey

2009-11-03T07:31:00.000-05:00

“Sometimes it seems I've spent my life
trying to live up to others' expectations of me,
and failing. I never thought much about pleasing myself.
That would have been "selfish."
--JoAnn Reed

Isn’t it ironic we spend most of our lives trying to please other people and never thinking about what would make us happy?

Then when we lose our job we blame ourselves and never take into consideration it could be a blessing in disguise. How many of us hated our job and always thought, “Only if I could find another job that I really loved?”

Now that we are traveling the unemployed journey we keep thinking our last job was the perfect job. We have a tendency to always turn our thinking around and put things we lost on a pedestal.

Let’s get real here for a moment and think about what you hated about your last job.

Here is your opportunity to start pleasing yourself, maybe for the first time in your life, and find a job that will make you happy.

This is not an easy task!

Some little steps you can take to start the process:
• Think back through the years about what made you happy. Examples: being with people, drawing, crafts, writing, science, etc.
• List these ideas on a piece of paper. Be honest this is for your eyes only.
• Rate them from 1 to 3. One being the least interesting and three brings a smile to your face.
• List all the number one ideas.
• Chose which one really makes you excited.

Once you have decided which one makes you energized it is time to explore your options.

For today think about your new found realization. Tomorrow is another day and we can explore your options.

Enjoy the happiness you are experiencing!

Share your uncovered passion with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community. Remember…we are all in this together. Let’s make this unemployment journey a time of learning and turning our lives around.
I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Sunday is Vacation Day for the Unemployed

2009-11-02T15:57:00.000-05:00

“Be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars.
In the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.”
Max Ehrmann

Sunday is a day to be gentle with yourself. The other 6 days of the week are for worrying, constantly taking risks and pushing yourself harder each day.

Sunday most businesses are closed. You can also close your business for a day.

Today is time for a vacation. What makes you happy? Watch a sports game, take the family away for the day, ride your bike, etc.

No excuses, you deserve a day of rest!

When we give ourselves permission to take a vacation from the stresses in our lives we instantly feel better and start to enjoy ourselves.

Let’s make Sunday, Vacation Day.

Vacation Tips for Sunday:
• Eat a picnic lunch near the water or in the woods. I know it might be cold this time of year so bundle up.
• Bike ride or hike along a quiet path in a wooded area.
• Window shop and plan how to re-decorate your favorite room.
• Invite friends to your house and have a pot-luck dinner.
• Put your feet up and take a nap on the couch.
• Watch an old movie on television.
• Sleep late or go to bed early.
• Read a good book.
• Go to a park and watch a football game.
• Take your art supplies out of hiding and start working on your master piece.

Let’s add Sunday to our little game.
• Monday is Smile Day.
• Tuesday is Dancing Day.
• Wednesday is Miracle Awareness Day.
• Thursday is Feeling Like a Winner Day.
• Friday is Acknowledging your Strengths Day.
• Saturday is Friendship Day.
• Sunday is Vacation Day.

Continue playing the game and let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know about your different experiences.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Saturay is Friendship Day for the Unemployed

2009-11-01T14:20:00.000-05:00

“Lots of people
want to ride with you
in the limo,
but what you want
is someone who will take the bus
with you
when the limo breaks down.”
-Oprah Wifrey

Does this situation sound familiar, when you lost your job everyone was your friend for awhile and as time went on they slowly disappeared? Your true friends stayed along for the ride.

I had one friend who always said, “If you could count your friends on one hand you were very lucky.” We have remained friends for years.

Think back about your different friendships and what beautiful gifts you received.

We travel through many different phases in our lives. As a child you had many school and neighborhood friends and as your life changed new relationships were formed. Take a moment and think about the friends who supported you and you encouraged through the years. These are your true friends.

Reach out to an old friend you have not had contact with during the past three months.

It will give you the opportunity to relive old times and support each other.

One of my close friends I met when we were both pregnant with our daughters. Whenever we reach out to each other it seems like I spoke to her the day before. We reminisce about the days when we were young mothers and the different happenings in our lives.

It is a great feeling to know that someone really knows you and it will be okay to share whatever is happening in your life and they will understand.

Let’s made Saturday, Friendship Day.

Rules for our little game:
• Monday is Smile Day. Go to a local coffee shop, smile and have eye contact with the different people you meet.
• Tuesday is Dancing Day. Blast your music, dance around the house and have fun.
• Wednesday is Miracle Awareness Day. Look for miracles, write them down as they are happening and say them out loud.
• Thursday is Feeling Like a Winner Day. Constantly remind yourself during the day, you are a winner and repeat the affirmation, “I am a winner and the same person I have always been.”
• Friday is Acknowledging your Strengths Day. Put a smile on your face, call yourself on the phone and list your strengths. Also, leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog telling us all about your different strengths.
• Saturday is Friendship Day. Reach out to an old friend you have not had contact with during the past three months.

Continue playing the game and let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know about your different experiences.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Friday is Acknowledging Our Strengths Day for the Unemployed

2009-10-30T11:19:00.000-05:00

“When one door closes
another door opens;
but we so often look
so long and so regretfully
upon the closed door;
that we do not see
the ones which open for us.”
Alexander Graham Bell

Alexander Graham Bell’s quote has been around a long time and very familiar to us all. On the unemployment journey we have a tendency to focus on the closed doors instead of the doors that are opening for us.

We are all in this together and learning different behaviors constantly.

Today is Friday, the end of the week. Think back about a Friday when you were working and how excited you were the week was over. There is no difference today, you worked all week researching job options, attending interviews and been on an emotional roller-coaster.

It is time to take a break and regain your emotional strength.

Some small steps you can take to replenish your positive energy:
• Put that smile on your face even though it may hurt. Wearing a smile tricks your mind into thinking you are happy. Within a matter of minutes your attitude changes.
• Call yourself on the phone and list all your strengths. Example: Great personality, very intelligent, fantastic communication skills, etc. Saying your strengths out loud makes them seem real.
• Leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog, telling us about your strengths. We are a family of unemployed folks who are supporting each other with new ideas and strategies in finding that new job.

Let’s make Friday, Acknowledging Our Strengths Day.

Our little game is teaching us how to take one positive action step and practice it for a day.

Remember...Monday is Smile Day. Smiling when meeting people gives you an inner-strength.

Tuesday is Dance Day. Dancing provides energy, exercise and having fun at the sametime.

Wednesday is Miracle Awareness Day. Reminding yourself about the miracles occurring during your day provides security in your life.

Thursday is Feeling Like a Winner Day. Acting like a winner gives you the courage to take risks and have faith things are working out.

Friday is Acknowledging your Strengths Day. Realizing you have many strengths empowers you to hold your head up high and feel good about yourself.

Let’s continue promising each other we will take time each day to enjoy the day by playing our little game. Smiling on Monday, dancing on Tuesday, looking for miracles on Wednesday, acting like a winner on Thursday and acknowledging our strengths on Friday.

I can’t wait to hear all about your strengths.

Helen

Unemployed Winners

2009-10-29T05:26:00.000-05:00

“Thinking as a
One-Hundred-Percent-of the-Time
Winner”

Thinking like a winner
means not always
having to defeat someone else.
It means being able
to grow from a situation in which
you fail to reach your goal.
It involves not demanding
perfection from yourself
in every single thing you do, but,
instead, thinking of yourself as perfect
and thus capable of growing.
It means reminding yourself that
perfection doesn’t mean
staying the same;
it means being able to allow yourself to grow.
Thinking as a winner means
not coming down on yourself;
it means refusing to allow
self-repudiating thoughts into your head.
It involves pushing out the inclination
to evaluate yourself in comparison with others,
and giving yourself permission
to be the unique person you are."
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Today is a new day and let’s practice being a winner while on the unemployed journey.

Remember…you are a winner just the way you are with all your knocks and bruises.

Life takes us on different paths. Some times we are happy, other times we are sad and other times we feel frustrated. You are the same person you have always been even though your feelings are changing constantly.

It is our job to constantly remind ourselves we are winners. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “We have to feel good about ourselves, learn from our situations and give yourself permission to be the unique person you are.

One small step you can take when you are feeling sad or frustrated about your situation STOP and take a deep breath. Then say out loud, “I am the same person I have always been and am a winner.”

Even though thinking the words are false by repeating them often in time you will start believing they are true.

Let’s make Thursday, Feeling Like a Winner Day.

Remember...Monday was Smile Day. What experiences did you have while smiling and having eye contact with different people you met?

Tuesday was Dance Day. Your job was to spend time dancing today and having fun.

Wednesday is a day for Miracle Awareness. During the day look for miracles, write them down and repeat them out loud.

Thursday is Feeling Like a Winner Day. Constantly remind yourself during the day, you are a winner and repeat the affirmation, “I am the same person I have always been and am a winner.”

Let’s make a promise to each other we will take time each day to enjoy our day playing our little game. Smiling on Monday, dancing on Tuesday, looking for miracles on Wednesday and acting like a winner on Thursday.

I am looking forward to hearing from you about the new opportunities that are surfacing while playing the role of a winner.

Helen

Wednesday is Miracle Awareness for the Unemployed

2009-10-21T19:00:00.001-05:00

“The world is full
of wonders and miracles
but man takes his little hand
and covers his eyes
and sees nothing.”
Israel Baal Shem

Stand-up and put you hand over your closed eyes. What do you see? Nothing but darkness!

This is the way we live our lives. Focusing on the things we feel are not working out. Trying desperately to find a job.

Quietly in the background miracles are happening all around us. Did you receive a call from a recruiter or see an interesting article to help you with your search, etc. These different opportunities are miracles showing up in our lives.

Let’s take a step back and become aware of the miracles in our lives. This is not an easy task. Below are some small steps you can take:

• Every hour during the day stop and ask yourself, “What miracle happened in the last hour?” By focusing on the positive happenings you will change your attitude and feel more alive.
• Write the miracles down on a piece of paper. Writing these different situations down makes them real.
• At the end of the day read your miracles out loud in front of a mirror. Saying them helps you realize what is happening around you.

Let’s add Wednesday to our little game.

• Monday was Smile Day. We smiled and had eye contact with the different people we met in the coffee shop.
• Tuesday is Dancing Day. We blasted our music and danced around the house.
• Wednesday is a day for Miracle Awareness. During the day we will look for miracles, write them down and say them out loud.

Have fun looking for miracles!

Until Tomorrow,

Helen

P.S. Please let the Love Yourself – It Maters Community know what experiences are occurring. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Dancing for the Unemployed

2009-10-20T12:08:00.002-05:00

“If you can walk
You can dance.
If you can talk
You can sing.”
Zimbabwean Proverb

Okay, is everyone ready to have a little fun?

Here we go:
• Blast music from your iPOD or radio, etc.
• Put that smile on your face.
• Dance around your house.

No excuses, just let yourself go and have a good time!

Is your energy pumping and do you feel alive?

Now it is time to take some water and relax.

Every once and awhile we need to just have fun. Everyday is filled with looking for a job or just sitting around and worrying. You deserve time off to forget for a short time and have some fun.

In January of 2008, my husband had a massive heart attack and past away. At first I was in denial and waiting for him to come home from a business trip. As time went on realization set in and I felt guilty when having a good time.

One day writing on my blog, I realized I was hurting myself by feeling guilty about having a good time. What would be accomplished?

With this realization I put on some music and started to dance around the house. Instantly, I felt better and started to view life in a different way.

Even though your circumstances are different it is up to you to change your thinking. We are human beings and have a special gift to instantly change our behaviors.

Let's start by taking small steps

Remember...Monday was Smile Day. What experiences did you have while smiling and having contact with different people you met?

Tuesday is Dance Day. Your job is to spend time dancing today and having fun.

Let’s make a promise to each other we will take time each day to lighten our world by practicing smiling on Monday and dancing on Tuesday.

I am look forward to hearing about your new attitude that emerged while you were dancing around your house.

Helen

Sunnier Skies While Unemployed

2009-10-19T06:14:00.003-05:00

“…knowing that, in the grand scheme of things,
we live in a world where rainy days
eventually give way to sunnier skies.”
Jason Rogerson

While on our unemployed journey, Jason Rogerson’s quote is worth repeating to ourselves constantly.

I know right now we are only focusing on what is not happening instead of the fact this is just a small portion of our lives. A day, month or year is just a blip in our lives.

Think back to the time when you were working, complaining about your job and wishing you could take a vacation. Now we look at that time as the sunny skies and today being unemployed as the rainy days.

It is all a matter of perception. How can we change our thinking and focus on the sunnier skies instead of the rainy ones?

Let’s start by taking small steps.

Are you up to playing a little game? It is called the Smiling Game.

• Walk out your front door and go to the nearest coffee shop.
• Walking into the coffee shop, put a smile on your face. You don’t have to mean it just use those smile muscles. It is a scientific fact when you use your smile muscles your body has no clue if you are smiling it just feels better.
• Make eye contact with the first person you see with that smile on your face.
• Continue smiling and making eye contact with everyone you see.

Eventually your smile will become natural, people will start talking to each other and YOU will feel better.

A smile costs you nothing and lightens up the world.

Let's make Monday "Smile Day" and bring a little sunshine into everyone’s day.

Starting today we will play our little game.

Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what happened as you were playing the Smile Game.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Tips for the Unemployed

2009-10-18T10:26:00.000-05:00

“Perhaps the most valuable result
of all education is the ability
to make yourself
do the thing you have to do,
when it ought to be done,
whether you like it or not.”
Walter Bagehot

I hear a lot of screaming in the background and everyone is shouting, “There has to be a better way!!” All of us on the unemployed journey are taking all the steps to find a new job and things are very slow.

What is a person to do? You feel frustrated, tired of trying new and old suggestions and not making any headway.

Okay, it is time to STOP and close your eyes for a few seconds. Think about sitting on the beach, or under a tree, the sun is bright, warm and you don’t have a worry in the world. You can stop worrying for a few minutes your worries won’t disappear.

Just relax and let the feelings of contentment flow through your body.

After awhile open your eyes and put that smile on your face.

Feeling relaxed, what small steps are you going to take today?

Below are some small simple steps you can take today to move forward in your search for finding that new and exciting job.

• Review your notes from yesterday and plan your new steps for today. Once you put your plan into perspective things will not feel overwhelming.
• Go out and buy a cup of coffee or tea. Going outside, breathing the air and seeing other people, you feel part of a community.
• Start implementing your planned action steps for the day. Thinking you are making a difference will make things easier.
• Take a break to eat lunch. Keeping yourself nourished with healthy food gives you energy.
• Finish your action steps for the day. Completing your daily plan gives you a sense of satisfaction.
• Go for a short walk and just relax.

Remember…everyday is a new day and opportunities are surfacing all the time.

Please let us know how you are progressing or what challenges you are experiencing. The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is the support system you are craving.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Spcial Message for the Unemployed

2009-10-11T08:48:00.000-05:00

“Difficult Times Don’t Last Forever

Sometimes, the problems you must face
are more than you wish to cope with,
and tomorrow doesn’t seem to offer any solutions.

You may ask yourself ‘Why me?’
but the answer is sometimes unclear.
You may even tend to feel that life hasn’t
been just or fair to burden you with such obstacles.

The roads any of us choose to follow
are never free of bumps or curves,
but eventually the turns
lead to a smoother path ahead.

Believe in yourself and your dreams.
You will soon realize that the future
holds may promises for you.

Remember…difficult times don’t last forever.”
Geri Danks

Geri Danks’ poem says it all…Life is a journey which leads us through bumps and curves. We experience sadness, anxiety, denial, happiness or contentment throughout the day.

The most important thing to remember is that we are the same person experiencing life in a different way. When scary feelings pop-up all we can do is say out loud, “I am really scared and know deep down in my heart I will find that perfect new job.”

Reassuring ourselves we are going to find that job and difficult times don’t last forever makes the journey easier.

Take a break today and enjoy yourself. There is always tomorrow.

Would love to hear from you and what your journey is like. Working together we will give each other support and ideas on how to find that perfect job.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Looking on the Brighter Side While Unemployed

2009-10-04T10:18:00.000-05:00

“Look on the Bright Side

For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positives that sustain you.

For every ‘should’ve’ you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.

For every loss that altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.

For every limit that has ever best you,
Consider your possibilities.”
Erick T. Moore

Do you ever stop, think past your situation of being unemployed and acknowledge the brighter side of your life?

I know what you are thinking, “There is no bright side in my life only hardship.”

Let’s take time and explore what is really going on in your life by completing the exercise in Erick Moore’s quote.

Sample Exercise:
Negative that consumers my happiness:
After working 20 years for the local school system as an office manager I was laid-off.
Two positives that sustain me:
1.Being fugal with money and saving for a rainy day I am financially comfortable.
2.My family and friends are very supportive. They are always reaching out to me to make sure I am not alone.

Should have done:
When the rumors started surfacing I should’ve started looking for another job instead of burying my head in the sand.
Something I am glad I had done:
Acted like a lady and was very gracious when my boss with tears in her eyes told me my position was being eliminated due to budget constraints. Now she is my biggest allied in helping me find another job.

Loss that altered my world:
Before I had some place to go everyday and interact with other people. Now all I do is stay home and look for a job.
Something I have gained:
An opportunity to find a new job that is exciting and self-fulfilling.

Limiting beliefs:
I will never find another job.
Your possibilities:
The world is my oyster and I have an opportunity to apply for all types of positions.

Remember as Erick Moore says:
“You can’t always change the way things are,
But you can change the way you wish to see them.
Never stop looking
For the brighter side and beyond.”

Now It is Your Turn!
Take out a piece of paper and write your answers to the questions in the above exercise. What have you discovered? Just for Today, keep reading over and over again the enjoyable experiences happening in your life?

Please share your thoughts with the Love Yourself – It Matters community. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Unemployed Risk-Taker

2009-09-30T06:31:00.000-05:00

“A lot of successful people are risk-takers.
Unless you’re willing to do that –
to have a go, fail miserably,
and have another go,
success won’t happen.”
Phillip Adams
(Australian writer)

Why, Why, Why do we have to be risk-takers and sometimes fail miserably to be successful? Do you hate being in the ranks of the unemployed and having to go through this period in your life? I know your answer is a loud, “YES.”

Remember nothing last forever. There is always a silver lining at the end of the rainbow. The next question would be “How do I find that silver lining?” The answer is quite simple take a risk, sometimes fail, get-up and take the next step in front of you.

I know after your hopes have been dashed again it is a struggle to go on. Give yourself a break and feel the pain. You are only human and can only take so much.

During this time, pamper yourself. What are you going to do nice for yourself?

Okay time is up and on to the next step. Below are some small steps you can take to restore your faith and become the risk-taker again.

• Write down your accomplishments.
• Pick-up the phone (don’t make a call) and start reading your accomplishments outloud.
• Put music on and dance around the room.
• Take a small risk that you know will be successful.
• Stand tall and become that powerful person you are.

Remember thousands of people have been unemployed and found that perfect job. You will be one of them real soon.

Now It Is Your Turn!

Send a list of your accomplishments to the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. Let’s celebrate together!

If you are stuck please let me or the community know and we will brainstorm ideas together. Remember you are not in this ALONE.

Helen

The Unemployed Losing Inner Strength

2009-09-24T09:00:00.003-05:00

"All the strength you need
to achieve anything
is within you.”
Sara Henderson

Do you sometimes feel all your strength has left your body and you are just existing? Welcome to the world of the unemployed!

I assure you all your inner strength has not gone away. It is just relaxing until you start moving again.

Today was one of those days for me. I woke up to a very humid and foggy morning. Meeting my neighbor for our daily walk was like knocking down a brick wall. A miracle happened and I was able to meet her.

We walked our usual route even though I was lagging behind. Sorry to say I did not feel better when we finished.

Fighting the feelings for awhile I finally gave up and accepted them. I walked into the house and instead of turning on the computer I sat in a chair and read a book. While reading the book, a miracle happened and my energy slowly returned.

What this lesson taught me, we need time to relax instead of driving ourselves constantly.

Some days are harder than others and being kind to ourselves is the best medicine. It has been proven when we take time away from our concerns and worries, just relaxing for awhile renews our strength and creativity. The key to this mind shift is giving yourself permission to walk away and forget for a few moments what is happening in your life.

Do you remember when you are on vacation, your concerns and worries start to disappear and how relaxed you feel? This is your mini-vacation to renew your energy.

Let’s play a little game and take Time for YOU Today. Be aware of your feelings and what opportunities start to occur.

Please share your experiences with the Circle of Inspiration Community. Together we are not alone and support each other in finding our inner strength.

Helen

Being Unemployed is Only a Small Segment of Time in Our Lives

2009-09-21T06:21:00.001-05:00

“…knowing that, in the grand scheme of things,
we live in a world where rainy days
eventually give way to sunnier skies.”
R.L. Keith

What struck me reading R.L. Keith’s quote this period of time being unemployed is only a small segment of our lives. I know it seems things will never change. Believe me things will get better.

I would like to tell you a story about Caroline.

Caroline Hopkins (name changed) worked for a small Medical Device Company located in Chicago, Ill. She was the Executive Assistant to Jack Lyons (name changed), President of the company. Caroline worked for the company seventeen years.

There were rumors flying around the company that Jack Lyons was retiring and selling the company. Every time Caroline approached Mr. Lyons about the rumors, she was told not to worry he planned on working another twenty years.

Having total faith in Mr. Lyons she told everyone the rumors were not true and went on her merry way. Even when other firms were asking if she would be interested in another job her answer was, “I will never leave Jack Lyons.”

One Monday morning Mr. Lyons called Caroline into his office, sheepishly told her the company was being sold and he was retiring. Not believing what she heard Caroline stumbled out of his office and went home. She was in total shock.

The months passed quickly and before Caroline could get her bearings she was out of a job. What was she going to do?

At first she could not function and spent most of her days in the house. One day reading the newspaper she saw that an Unemployed Support Group was forming at her local library.

Caroline went to the library and signed-up for the first meeting that night. To her amazement there were 40 other people attending the meeting. It was the first time in months she did not feel alone.

Caroline listened intently and was surprised to feel her positive energy returning. What she heard and repeated to herself constantly, “This is a small segment of my life and things are changing constantly.” This statement helped Caroline regain her belief she would find a job.

With this new faith in finding a job, Caroline joined the Circle of Inspiration for the Unemployed and started taking small action steps daily to find a new job and within six months she was working again. She changed fields and today manages a Nursery School.

Caroline keeps saying, “What helped me the most was finding support, learning from other people and realizing this time was only a small segment of my life.”

Now It Is Your Time
• List the small action steps you can take to find support. Working with even one other person helps you to keep motivated and not feel alone while on this journey.
• List messages you can constantly repeat to reassure yourself you are okay. Reassuring ourselves gives us the courage and strength to keep moving ahead. Examples:
o This is only a small segment of my life and things are changing constantly.
o I am taking the right steps for finding that perfect job.
o I am safe, loved and very successful.

Please share your stories with the Circle of Inspiration Community. Together supporting each other you will find strength, different action steps you can take and the knowledge this is only a small segment of your life.

Helen

Unemployed Action Plan

2009-09-18T13:07:00.003-05:00

Ten Steps to Help You
Enjoy Your Day

1. Look at your day as 24 hours, consisting of different experiences. Some experiences you enjoy and others move you forward in a different direction.

2. Do your best. We are only human and mostly everything we do is with good intentions. When you find yourself acting in a way that is destructive to yourself or others start changing your behavior. You are only hurting yourself.

3. Acknowledge others. Celebrating accomplishments of others, gives you hope which changes your thinking and actions. You are more empowered to look for possibilities.

4. Trust what is happening. A disappointment now opens the door to other successes down the road. Learn what you can do different next time.

5. Be compassionate to yourself and others. This is a trying time and taking the time to acknowledge yourself and others gives everyone a sense of security.

6. Don’t worry about something after it is done. Learn from the experience and take steps in a different direction next time.

7. Acknowledge your negative thoughts. Remember these are only words going through you mind and not real. You have control over your thoughts and can stop them at a moments notice by thanking them and thinking about something which makes you happy.

8. Accept everyone as they are. Most people don’t have a hidden agenda and want to hurt anyone. They are only acting in a way they think will help you. Sometimes we have to let the person know in a loving and kind way they have hurt us.

9. Have the attitude that no one owes you anything. We are the only one who can fulfill our basic needs. Sometimes give yourself a big hug.

10. Love yourself and put that smile on your face. You are a beautiful person.

Enjoy your day!!

Now It is Your Turn!

Pick one of the ideas listed above and practice it all day. Be aware of the different feelings you have and what opportunities are happening.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community what steps you take to ensure you have a beautiful day.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Happy Moments for the Unemployed

2009-09-16T06:00:00.006-05:00

“If you want to be happy,
set yourself a goal
that commands your thoughts,
liberates your energy,
and inspires your hopes.
Happiness is with you.
It comes from doing some certain thing
into which you can put
all your thought and energy.
If you want to be happy,
get enthusiastic about something.”
Dale Carnegie

Being unemployed gives us the chance to stop and think about the times in our life when we were really happy. Don't feel guilty about taking this time to think about those happy moments it will give you energy and enthusiam regarding something.

Let’s play a little game!

Take the following steps:
• Close your eyes, take 5 deep breaths, relax and think of a time in your life when you were really happy. Was it when you were a child, young adult or just recently?
• Reminisce about that time. What were you doing? Who were you with? What made you happy?
• Relax and enjoy that experience.
• Think about how you can recapture that time again. Do you have to plan a party? Call that special friend? Take time alone and go to the beach or mountains? What would make that experience a reality again?
• Open your eyes at the count of 5.
• Take a big stretch and relax for a few seconds.

How are you feeling? I hope relaxed and ready to take action.

Remember we can never recapture the same experience again. What we can do is create a new experience that will make us happy.

You are the creator of your happiness. Go for it!!!

After completing the exercise above, please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community your thoughts. What made you happy? What plans are you making to recapture your new happy moment?

I am looking forward to hearing from you and together we can bring a little happiness into our day.

Helen

Help for the Unemployed

2009-09-10T10:26:00.003-05:00

“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you’ll find one at the end of your arm…”
Audrey Hepburn

It is so easy to forget the most powerful person you have supporting you while on the unemployed journey is YOURSELF. We are constantly looking for others to help. Even though there are others who encourage us, when you come down to the basic truth we are the ones who daily reassure ourselves to continue on the path.

Reassuring yourself can be a difficult task when things are quiet and you have exhausted all your ideas. The important thing to remember while traveling on this journey you will have ups and downs. Some days will be very active with interviews, networking, contacting different leads, etc. and others will be slow.

When you are busy the energy is flowing and hope is running through your veins. On the slow days you have to work extra hard to keep your emotional well being in check.

During the quiet days you can look at them as a special gift instead of losing faith and starting to worry. I know it is hard to turn the feelings around.

Some easy steps you can take are below:
• List all the things that made you happy the last few days. Example: Taking the kids to the park, watching them laugh and have fun.
• Review your successes over the last few weeks. Example: Met two new members at the Networking Event last week and we are having coffee tomorrow.
• Take one small step today that you never tried. Example: Research one of the companies you would like to work for and call to schedule an informational interview. This type of interview is to speak with someone in the same field you are pursuing to see how they got started and if they can offer any advice. Remember people love to talk about themselves.

You are never alone you have yourself and others who love and care about you.

One of the simplest ways of receiving support is to leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. We are all on this journey together.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Job Hunting Techniques

2009-09-04T11:21:00.002-05:00

“Even if you’re on the right track,
you’ll get run over
if you just sit there.”
Will Rogers

After reading Will Rogers’ quote, did you start thinking there is no rest for the weary? We have to keep going at full speed all the time to research different job hunting techniques. There is so much competition out there I have to be one step in front of everyone else. Our thoughts can keep going on and on and before we know what hit us that dark tunnel starts appearing.

Okay it is time to step back and take control of our thoughts. I know it is so easy to just give up and keep thinking poor me. What purpose will that serve?

Today let’s focus on finding a job through different resources. Learning where to look is the most crucial step we can take.

A variety of job hunting techniques:
• Newspaper classified ads - A typical ad contains information about the type of employee they are seeking, the experience required, job responsibilities, company name, sometimes salary being offered and how to contact the employer. It is important to tailor your cover letter and resume to match the qualifications and contact them the way suggested.
• Sending blind cover letters – If you see an ad and don’t qualify send a cover letter and resume anyway since you have the name of the company and address. In the cover letter state you know that you do not qualify for the position posted in the newspaper. However, you have theses other qualifications and maybe they are looking for a person with those skills. It demonstrates you are motivated and self-confidence. It sometimes opens doors and may lead to a job either now or in the future.
• Telephone Directories – Send out your cover letter and resume. I know it may be a shot in the dark. However, miracles do happen. A company can be in the planning stages and by introducing yourself doors can open for now or in the future.
• Trade or business journals or newsletters – Most publications include a classified ad section and can be an excellent resource in looking for the type of job you want.
• Internet – Use the “search” feature to find a listing of the different jobs available. Some sites: www.career.com, www.careerbuilder.com, www.jobs.com, etc…
• Job Fairs – A way to meet Human Resources staff from various companies. It gives you the opportunity to speak with a company representative for a few minutes and find out about jobs that are available.
• Employment Agencies – Agencies are paid a fee by the employer to find the right candidates and in most instances you will not have to pay a fee. Therefore, their first priority is filling the job for the employer and not you. Remember, they are in the business of finding employees for the employers and have great connections.

There are many more resources open to finding a job. Such as State Agencies, School Placement Services, friends, family, business acquaintances, etc…

Today is a new day and after reading the article what job hunting technique are you going to focus on?

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community some job resource techniques you have used in looking for job. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Daily Steps for the Unemployed

2009-09-03T07:57:00.001-05:00

“You don’t make progress by
standing on the sidelines,
whimpering and complaining.
You make progress by
implementing ideas.”
Shirley Chisholm

When waking in the morning do you just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over your head? You are not alone, welcome to the world of the temporarily unemployed.

I know you don’t want to be a member of this group. Neither does anyone else.

It just dawned on me we are only temporarily unemployed and this period of time will not last forever. Doesn’t that feel better?

Okay, today is a new day and we are on the move.

The important thing to remember as Shirley Chisholm says, “You don’t make progress by
standing on the sidelines, whimpering and complaining. You make progress by implementing ideas.”

I am your Fairy God Mother and give you 10 minutes to whimper and complain. The time is clicking away…Okay time is up and now into ACTION.

What are your next steps? Everyone is at a different place, some are in the process of creating a dynamic resume, researching companies, etc. and others have these steps perfected and working on different ideas.

What is your next step?

Following are some very simple steps you can implement:
• Make yourself a cup of coffee or tea. Simply relax and enjoy the taste, smell and warmth of the drink. Taking time to forget for awhile what is happening around you gives you the strength to continue.
• Think of how you are going to reward yourself when done working today. Examples: Take a long walk or run, call a friend and have a good laugh, etc. Giving yourself an incentive gives you the mindset to continue working.
• Outline what steps you are going to implement today. It is important to include a timeframe for each action step. Be realistic about what you can accomplish in a day. Having a plan to follow gives you a structure to put into action.
• Start with the easiest step on the list. Then continue picking steps until you are finished for the day. Picking an easy step gives you the self-confidence to get started.
• Reward yourself for who you are and taking the action steps to reach your goal. What are you going to do nice for yourself? Pick one of the items listed in the 2nd step.

Now it is Your Turn
Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what ideas and thoughts you had after reading today’s article. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Have a beautiful and successful day!

Helen

Benefits of Temporary Jobs

2009-09-02T10:54:00.001-05:00

“The glory is not in never failing,
but in rising every time you fail.”
Chinese Proverb

Have you ever thought of applying for temporary jobs while looking for a permanent job?

A temp job gives you new experiences and can lead to a permanent job. They teach you new job functions or maybe a computer program. Suddenly, you have hands on experience and can add it to your resume.

The most important thing to remember is to continue looking for other work. It may be easy to stop looking while in a temporary job. The problem being once you lose your momentum it is hard to start up again. Continue your job search during the evenings and weekends.

Even though the position is temporary your performance does matter. If you do an excellent job and prove yourself it can open other doors or lead to a permanent position.

Please share your thoughts about temporary work and your experiences. Keeping communication going it will give each and everyone of us new ideas and support. I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Hope and Faith While Looking for a Job

2009-08-30T11:27:00.003-05:00

“Achievement is largely
the product of steadily raising
one’s level of
aspiration and expectation.”
Jack Nicklaus (golfer)

How are you doing today?

As your Fairy God Mother, I give you permission to forget your troubles and enjoy the day. Tomorrow is another day and you can start looking for a job again.

Reading Jack Nicklaus’s quote made me think our achievement is simply not losing hope and belief that we will find another job.

I know some days can be harder than others. We have to dig deep into our reserves to pick ourselves up and put that smile on our face.

Once the smile appears and we start to feel lighter often times miracles start happening.

I would like to share a story with you.

Jenny was laid-off from the job she had for 15 years. At first there was no talking to her and as the days went by she fell deeper and deeper into that black hole of misery.

One Sunday morning she was listening to a preacher on television. He was talking about hope and belief in ourselves. Jenny listened and thought about how she had lost hope and belief in finding a job.

During the day, Jenny kept thinking how she could regain her hope and the belief there was another job. As miracles happen, Mary an unemployed friend, called and they both decided to work together.

They devised a very simple plan which included the following steps:
1. Exercise every morning. This gave them energy for the day ahead and to feel good about their bodies.
2. Plan two to three small action steps you would take that day and email them to each other. Example: Research companies you would like to work for, attend a networking event, etc. By planning two to three small steps does not seem overwhelming and makes life easier. Also, by emailing the plan to each other you became accountable.
3. Eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and take 10 minute rest periods during the day. Taking the time for yourself renews your energy.
4. Write down your daily accomplishments. Seeing what you have accomplished raises your self-esteem and makes you feel good.
3. Call each other at 5:00pm each day to discuss your wins and challenges. Acknowledge each other for their accomplishments and brainstorm solutions for challenges. Supporting each other will help you get through this period in your life.

Jenny and Mary supported each other through this difficult time and became great friends. Their support helped each other to stay hopeful and believe they would be working again.

Remember as Jack Nicklaus said, “Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one’s level of aspiration and expectation.”
Now It Is Your Turn
Share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community what steps you have taken to restore your hope and faith and keep it flowing.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Finding a Job

2009-08-28T07:09:00.001-05:00

“What three things do you
want to accomplish this year?
Write them down and place them
on your refrigerator
for inspiration all year long.”
Anonymous

What three things do you want to accomplish this year? Find a job!!

Being unemployed the only thing on your mind is finding a job. Just hold on a second, there are other things in your life which are just as important. How about exercising, eating healthy, spending more time as a family unit, buying that special watch or learning how to draw.

When you were working did you do other things in your life, go to the movies, talk long walks with your partner, enter marathons, etc… Being unemployed you don’t stop living.

So what does a person have to do to restore their faith and think of things they want to accomplish?

As I always say, “Start by taking baby steps and make the process fun instead of a burden.

Some small steps you can take to start the process:
• Write a list of everything you always wanted to accomplish. Examples: take piano lessons, run a marathon, learn quilting, read books on a particular subject, etc…
• Choose one item. Example: take piano lessons.
• Plan what steps you have to take to accomplish your goal. Example: research the name of a good teacher.
• Start by taking one action step a day until you dream is accomplished.

The important thing to keep in mind is always breakdown every plan into little steps. That way you do not feel overwhelmed and with each step accomplished you feel motivated.

Now It Is Your Turn
After completing the exercise above, write down on a fresh piece of paper three goals you would like to accomplish this year. Now put them on the refrigerator door and look at them everyday. Let the Love Yourself – It Matters what is happening.

Remember…the Love Yourself – It Matters community is your support system. Just leave a comment and I will get back to you.

Keep In Touch,
Helen

Looking for a Job

2009-08-26T08:02:00.002-05:00

“Difficult Times
Don’t Last Forever

Sometimes, the problems you must face
are more than you wish to cope with,
and tomorrow doesn’t seem to offer any solutions.

You may ask yourself “Why Me?”
but the answer is sometimes unclear.
You may even tend to feel that life hasn’t
been just or fair to burden you with such obstacles.

The roads any of us choose to follow are never free
of bumps or curves, but eventually the turns
lead to a smoother path ahead.

Believe in yourself and your dreams.
You will soon realize that
the future holds many promises for you.
Remember…difficult times don’t last forever.”
Geri Danks

Does the quote above sound familiar are you constantly asking, “Why Me?” Some days can be harder than others and the amazing thing life goes on while we are looking for a job.

Finding what gives you a sense of security is the secret of surviving the days before you. Some small steps you can take to reassure yourself are below.

Small Steps
1. Get out of bed, look in the mirror and reassure yourself you are still the same person. Most times our identity became our job. Speaking with others we always spoke about our job and what happened that day. Now things have changed and we are lost. By looking in the mirror and reminding yourself you are still the same person helps build confidence.
2. Plan your day. Having structure in your day gives us a sense of power and control. Just floating around doing whatever is before us we often feel nothing is being accomplished. It is very important that we feel things are being accomplished to give us strength to continue looking for that special job.
3. Take a mini-vacation. A mini-vacation is taking at least 10 minutes a day just for you. Taking that time reinforces the fact you are important. Mini-vacations can be making yourself a cup of coffee or tea and reading a fun novel; take a walk around the block; listen to a comedy CD that makes you laugh; etc…

You are in control of your day and can choose to either focus on “Why Me?” or take tiny steps to brighten your day.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what tiny steps you are taking to ensure your day is productive while looking for a job.

I look forward to hearing from you and let me know how I can support you while looking for a job.

Helen

Recognizing Your Special Talents While Unemployed

2009-08-23T08:16:00.003-05:00

“Use what talents you possess;
the woods would be very silent
if no birds sang except those
that sang best.”
Henry Van Dyke

Even though you lost your job, remember you are still the same person. Nothing can take away your special gifts.

Stand-up and take a bow acknowledging the beautiful person you have become and your special gifts!

You might say I don’t have any special gifts. Hold on there, we all have them.

Let’s focus for a minute what comes easy to you. Do you have a beautiful smile, people feel comfortable being with you, great sense of humor, or are you a math wiz, etc.?

Feeling better?

Let’s do a little experiment today. During the day write down what makes you a beautiful person. No need to share the list.

For some of us who had trouble thinking what people like about me. Try this simple exercise:
• Think about a close friend and what you like about that them.
• Write these traits down.
• Ask yourself this question “Do I also have some of these qualities?”
• Now list your special gifts.

Once you have created a list review it in the morning and evening. Pick one special gift you possess and practice it three times that day. As the days go, add another special gift each day and in time you will be practicing all your gifts each day.

Remember what Henry Van Dyke said, “Use what talents you possess; the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.”

Go play full-out and enjoy the beautiful person you have become!

Please share your feelings after reading this article. The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is here to be your support system. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Volunteering can help you land your next job

2009-08-21T09:46:00.004-05:00

“I never think of the future.
It comes soon enough."
Albert Einstein

Big question, "When will I be employed?” Does this thought constantly pop into your mind during the day, night or when you are sleeping? You are not alone, everyone has this thought while on the unemployed journey.

Part of finding happiness during this period is to accept what’s happening as a fact of life. I know this is a tall order and some times very difficult to accomplish.

Relax, there is hope!

One of the ways to relax during this period is to focus on a task that will take your mind off your circumstances.

One of the things you can do is volunteer your time and services. It is also a way of networking and helping you find your next job.

Volunteerism is part of the trend today in food banks, hospitals, non-profit organizations, etc.

One of the ways to research different opportunities is to read about President Obama’s United We Serve initiative, which encourages Americans to visit www.serve.gov and serve their country with local action that benefits the community.

Reasons for volunteering:
• Makes you feel needed and builds self-esteem.
• Learning new skills.
• Gives you something else to focus on instead of your unemployed thoughts.
• Meet new people and breaks down barriers of misunderstanding, mistrust and fear.
• Creates new contacts which may help your business or career.

Volunteering options:
• Community
• Hospitals
• Food Banks
• Animal Shelters
• Schools
• Non-Profit Organizations
• etc.

Links for Volunteering Opportunities
• www.volunteermatch.org
• www.smartvolunteer.org
• www.serve.gov
• etc.

Now it is Your Turn!

Take a few minutes today and research one volunteer option that sounds interesting. Let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know about the information you found. If at least three people share their information we will have three different options to consider.

Have fun and enjoy this new option!

I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Finding Your Inner Strength While Being Unemployed

2009-08-19T09:49:00.003-05:00

"Our greatest glory
is not in never falling,
but in rising
every time we fall."
Confucius

Being unemployed, we are constantly being tested to see our true strength and creativity during this fall.

Thank you, Universe for this beautiful gift!

Just want to throw a little thought out there, we usually bounce back in all situations one way or another. Being unemployed, we still possess this under lying strength to find solutions for the problem we are facing. Sometimes it takes longer than others times to see, understand and put into action a solution.

Jack was riding high, had a great job and loving family. When he heard about anyone losing his job, his thought was, “I really feel sorry for so and so, but that could never happen to me.”

Jack went to work early everyday and stayed late. His work was always completed in a timely manner and everyone loved working with him.

Suddenly, times changed and the company he was working for merged with another firm. Jack still did not worry.

As the weeks and months past Jack kept seeing the writing on-the-wall that there would be lay-offs. No way would he be affected.

Three months later, Jack was called into a meeting. During the meeting, Jack heard words and could not comprehend the thought that he was being laid-off.

It took him months to finally understand what happened. Slowly, his under lying strength to find a solution kicked into gear. Jack joined the Circle of Inspiration for the Unemployed (www.circlesofinspiration.com), found support and creative action steps he could take to find a new job.

Jack’s perspective on life had changed. He is not in denial about what is happening around him and appreciates the little things in life.

Even though Jack is uncomfortable traveling on the journey of the unemployed, his life has changed and he started to feel comfortable with whom he has become.

Therefore, it is true what Confucius says, “Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.”

Now It Is Your Turn
Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what gifts you have received while traveling on the journey of the unemployed. Sharing together we can support each other and make this journey a little easier.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Keeping Yourself On Track While Looking for a Job

2009-08-18T06:41:00.001-05:00

“The world is but canvas
to our imagination.”
Henry David Thoreau

Keeping yourself on track while looking for a job is the secret for succeeding.

Most people like structure in their lives. While working we had structure, getting up at a certain time, rushing around and leaving at the same moment each day. We are creatures of habit.

Now times have changed. We can look at this period as a time of hardship or wonder and excitement.

Hold on I have not lost my mind!

I know sometimes it is hard to motivate yourself each day. Let’s try something new and just for a second think this could be an exciting time. It will bring a smile to your face and you will have a new perspective.

As Henry David Thoreau said, “The world is but canvas to our imagination” you have the chance to think and create whatever you want.

Here are some simple steps we can take to start thinking in this new positive way:

• Follow the same routine each day. Putting structure in our lives gives us a sense of security.
• Create a list of jobs that would light your fire. Thinking about these different possibilities creates an energy that is exciting.
• Take time each day to relax. Taking time for ourselves reminds us that we are important.

Now It Is Your Turn!

Try the little experiment above and let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what happens.

We are all in this together and the best part is you are not alone. Giving yourself the opportunity to receive support is the greatest gift you can give yourself.

Helen

Feeling Empowered When You're Unemployed

2009-08-13T11:32:00.002-05:00

“…not always the easiest course of action
when confronting difficulties.
If, however, we can remain focused
on keeping hope strong
and not succumbing to negative influences,
we will meet with success
in dealing with anything
life may throw in our path.”
Hiram Rogers Lloyd

Looking for work is a full time job which takes constant motivation to continue moving forward.

Some days are easy and others are like climbing Mt. Everest.

What is a person to do?

Let’s focus on the easy days and see what gems we can discover. During these days, keep a notepad by your side and write down the events which lifted your spirits. Examples: received a call from an old co-worker who was inquiring about how I was doing; the sun finally came out after three days of rain; went to a networking event and met some interesting people, etc…

The hardest part is feeling empowered on those days which feel dark and dreary. Your negative thoughts are ruling your emotions.

Your biggest goal is to re-light the hope within you and keep it burning. Easier said than done!

Let’s put our thinking caps on and brainstorm ideas to empower your creativity and motivation.

Ideas:
• List three strong points you had in your last job. Reminding yourself about these strengths will give you confidence.
• Re-read some of the letters of recommendations you have obtained and then get-up and take a bow. Thinking about how others value your skills will brighten your day.
• Register for a Support Group Meeting. When meeting with others it gives you support, ideas for finding a job and the realization you are not alone.

Please send ideas you have tried for empowering your day to the Love Yourself – It Matters Community. We will work together and increase our days of feeling empowered instead of desperate.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Happiness While Being Unemployed

2009-08-12T12:57:00.003-05:00

“I think these difficult times have helped me
to understand better than before
how infinitely rich and beautiful life is
in every way, and that so many things
one goes around worrying about
are of no importance whatsoever.”
Isak Dinesen (Danish writer)

If you are an unemployed worker who has been laid-off, why would you think this is a beautiful time? I would like to reassure you, circumstances happen and we can still find happiness during our journey.

Helen what are you taking about…Find happiness Now? Everyday I wake up with the same realization, I don’t have a job and need one right away. There is no time for happiness in my life right now. When I get a job, I will be happy again.

Let’s take a step back and think about your twenty four (24) hours in a day. For argument sake, you spend about twenty (20) hours a day sleeping, eating, exercising, job searching and other responsibilities. There are approximately four (4) hours left for you to focus on other opportunities. Isn’t this a good time to bring a little happiness into your life.

What is happiness? “Resulting unexpectedly in something pleasant or welcome. A happy coincidence.”

Let’s explore different ideas that would make you happy.
• Your daughter running into the house yelling, “Mom, Tracy, my best friend, and I will be in the same classroom next year. Seeing joy in your daughter's face brings you happiness.
• You are the 25th person to buy a cup of coffee that day and receive a free cup.You suddenly think, "This is nice, I am so lucky."
• After exercising sitting down with a cold bottle of water. While sweating nothing tastes better than cold water.

The list can go on and on. Bringing joy into your day can change your prospective. It has been proven over and over again that positive thinking makes life easier and creates miracles at the same time.

So give it a try, put a smile on your face and yell, “ I am one step closer to finding that new job.” What do you have to lose? NOTHING!

Now it is your turn!

Share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what makes you happy. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Unemployed Dreamers

2009-08-11T12:13:00.004-05:00

“When a dream is in the mind of the believer,
and in the hand of the doer.
You are not given a dream
without being given the power
to make it come true.”
Anonymous

Being unemployed is a time in your life that is adventurous, exciting and challenging all at the same time. Would you like to thank the Universe for the special gift?

Now is your time to make some changes. You have an opportunity to bring your dreams out of hiding and dust them off.

Close your eyes and think back through your life and focus on the time you had a dream to make a difference in the world. Maybe it was to be a nurse, or concert pianist or a teacher, etc…

As the years went by you forgot the dream and went in another direction. Now since you are unemployed you have a clean slate and can bring the dream back into focus.

One beautiful thing, if you chose to believe in the dream you will be given the power to make it happen.

I know you are thinking, “Helen, I spend all my time looking for a job in the same field I was employed and have no time thinking about my old dreams.”

Yes, you are right and looking for a job does not take 24 hours a day. You have to eat, sleep and spend downtime. Otherwise, you will burn out.

Jane was working over 24 years for a computer company. She was the VP for Software Research and Development. The company started feeling the economic crunch and laid-off some of the senior managers including Jane.

At first Jane was absolutely distraught and could not believe this was happening to her. Her life fell apart. Jane’s saving grace was that she loved music and played in an orchestra on weekends.

Jane continued to look for a job in the computer field and felt she had no other choice. Until one day as she was practicing for the weekend performance a thought occurred, “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if I could spend my days with music instead of working for a computer company.”

She was given the dream!

Even though she did not stop looking for a job in the computer field, ideas started popping into her head regarding musical opportunities she could pursue. Jane did spend a few hours a day pursing different musical possibilities.

At first nothing materialized and that did not stop her. She kept talking to different people and arranging for informational interviews regarding the option of changing career paths.

Through her networking, researching and not giving up hope Jane stumbled across a small musical college looking for a Music Director. With her background in management and music Jane was a perfect fit.

Like they say, “When a dream is in the mind of the believer, and in the hand of the doer. You are not given a dream without being given the power to make it come true.”
Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community your dreams. Together let’s brainstorm ideas to make they come true.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Finding That Special Job

2009-08-09T10:37:00.004-05:00

“Imagination is the beginning of creation.
You imagine what you desire,
you will what you imagine,
and at last you create
what you will.”
George Bernard Shaw

According to George Bernard Shaw, all you have to do is imagine finding the job you want and create it. WOW what a way to go!!

Hold-on!! It is not so easy. There was a little piece that was not included in the formula for finding a job, the action steps.

Come back, don’t leave! Let’s make looking for a job easier.

Below are some simple steps you can take to keep yourself motivated while looking for that special job.

• First thing every morning take time for “YOU” relaxing with a cup of coffee or tea. Taking this precious time demonstrates, “You Are Special.”
• Plan what steps you are going to take during the day. Be realistic and not overwhelm yourself. One rule of thumb to practice, write down only one to three steps you will take instead of twenty. By keeping the steps manageable ensures you will accomplish them.
• Acknowledge yourself at the end of the day for taking one to three small steps. If you crossed off more items on your to-do list, stand-up and take a bow. Acknowledging yourself will ensure you are making progress.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what small steps you are taking to find a job. Together we will make this road a little easier.

Today is a special day, what are you going to do nice for yourself?

Helen

Ups and Downs of Being Unemployed

2009-08-07T09:57:00.002-05:00

“When we do the best we can,
we never know what miracle
is wrought in our life or
the life of another.”
Helen Keller

Being unemployed creates different options, you can do the best you can in looking for a job or just hide under the covers. The choice is yours.

I know that some days you wake-up and say, “What is the use, I will never find a job again.” Give yourself a break and just lay low that day. While taking care of yourself you will restore your energy and most probably start thinking about action steps that will empower you to move forward.

On the other hand, other days you wake-up and feel motivated to look for a job. On these days you are empowered and make headway during the job search.

Everyday is a new day with new feelings and opportunities happening around you constantly.

Bill was letting the situation of being laid-off create havoc in his life. Every place he turned either the jobs he interviewed for where filled by someone else or the company decided not to hire anyone for the position at this time.

His saving grace was the company who temporarily laid him off would bring the employees back by the middle of November. This thought kept him going.

Bill really did not want to go back to his old job and felt pressured to find something new. He took the right steps of networking with friends, family members and former co-workers. Also, sending resumes and researching job opportunities.

Then one day to make matters worse the company he was temporarily laid-off from decided to close their doors. Bill was in despair.

Bill kept putting one foot in front of the other and out of the clear blue sky a company contacted him who received his resume. He went for 3 interviews and was offered a job that was exciting and financially rewarding.

As Helen Keller says, “When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle
is wrought in our life or the life of another.”

Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and miracles will start to happen.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community obstacles you have encountered. Together we will brainstorm ideas to help you move forward with enthusiasm.

Helen

Positive Changes While on the Unemployed Journey

2009-08-06T11:46:00.003-05:00

“Every small positive change
we make in ourselves
repays us in confidence
in the future.”
Alice Walker

Reading this quote you might think to yourself, “Why do I constantly have to make small positive changes while on the unemployed journey instead of just coast through life.”

If anyone comes up with the answer please let us all know and we will jump on board.

We are constantly making changes in our life as opportunities appear. Two years ago, did you think you would be unemployed and looking for a new job? I know this opportunity was not a welcomed gift.

Let’s turn things around and brainstorm for a few minutes what positive outcomes have been created.

• No longer in a job that was not fulfilling. Working in a particular job for years sometimes your creative juices stop flowing and things become mundane.
• Future opportunity to learn new skills. A new position will include different skills which will ensure you are learning and creative again.
• Builds relationships. During the unemployment journey you learned who is supportive, met new friends and associates.
• Provided a foundation for growth. You are becoming a strong person who is making decisions and trying new techniques during this difficult period. Someday you will look back and wonder how you have made it through this time in your life.

We could go on and on listing the positive outcomes we will experience or have experienced. The most important thing to remember is that you are creating positive changes in your life which will repay you with self-confidence.

Now it is your turn to share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community what positive changes you made that impacted your life.

Until Tomorrow

Helen

10,000 Person

2009-08-02T09:37:00.001-05:00

Hi Everyone:

We are only 10 clicks away from reaching 10,000. Who will be the lucky person to recieve a free coaching session?

Helen

The Unemployed Appreciating Their Many Talents

2009-07-25T08:16:00.003-05:00

“Appreciation is like an insurance policy.
It has to be renewed every now and then.”
Dave McIntyre

When acknowledged it is hard to enjoy the compliments and we usually brush them off with a quick thank you. On the other hand, if criticized in anyway the thoughts run through are heads constantly. Why do we always focus on the criticism instead of the compliment?

That is a good question! The reason being we feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and sometimes think now I have to be that shinning star all the time. That would be hard work.

Patrice was one of 50 people laid-off from the bank she was working for. In her mind she was the only one who lost her job. She felt like a failure and was ashamed to talk to anyone about what was happening. Her sister insisted that she contact me.

Our first couple of sessions, I was her sounding board and listened to the story over and over again. She was not open to making any changes. Until one day I asked her to name the special talents she had while working?

Patrice’s voice changed and she started rattling off more than 20 talents within a matter of seconds. When she took a deep breath, I asked if she still had these talents. Her immediate reply was, “YES.”

This started a new path for Patrice. Her exercise for the next week was to write down her special traits everyday. Then she had to say them out loud while looking in the mirror.

Within a matter of weeks her attitude changed, she started revising her resume and looking for jobs on-line. Using this technique was renewing her insurance policy for believing in herself.

Patrice was giving herself a beautiful gift. With this new attitude, one day while food shopping Patrice ran into a neighbor. After catching-up for awhile she found out about a new company that was looking for IT Managers. She researched the company, contacted them, had an interview and within a few months Patrice was working again.

Please renew your Belief In Yourself Insurance Policy by sharing with us your special talents. Working together as a community we will support ourselves and each other while trudging down the Unemployment Journey.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Remember you have a choice either to dwell on your unhappiness or your special talents.

Helen

2009-07-25T08:15:00.001-05:00

Unemployees Appreciation Who They Are

“Appreciation is like an insurance policy.
It has to be renewed every now and then.”
Dave McIntyre

When we are acknowledged it is hard to enjoy the compliments and usually brush them off with a quick thank you. On the other hand, if we are criticized in anyway the thoughts run through are heads constantly. Why do we always focus on the criticism instead of the compliment?

That is a good question, the reason being it is very hard to accept a compliment. We feel uncomfortable, embarrassed and sometimes think now I have to be that shinning star all the time. That would be hard work.

Patrice was one of 50 people laid-off from the bank she was working for. In her mind she was the only one who lost her job. She felt like a failure and was ashamed to talk to anyone about what was happening. Her sister insisted that she contact me.

Our first couple of sessions, I was her sounding board and listened to the story over and over again. She was not open to making any changes. Until one day I asked her to name the special talents she had while working?’

Patrice’s voice changed and she started rattling off more than 20 talents within a matter of seconds. After she took a deep breath, I asked if she still had these talents. Her immediate reply was, “YES.”

This started a new path for Patrice. Her exercise for the next week was to write down her special traits everyday. Then she had to say them out loud while looking in the mirror.

Within a matter of weeks her attitude changed, she started revising her resume and looking for jobs on-line. Using this technique was renewing her insurance policy for believing in herself.

Patrice was giving herself a beautiful gift. With this new attitude, one day while food shopping Patrice ran into a neighbor. After catching-up for awhile she found out about a new company that was looking for IT Managers. She researched the company, contacted them, had an interview and within a few months Patrice was working again.

Please renew your Belief In Yourself Insurance Policy by sharing with us your special talents. Working together as a community we will support ourselves and others while trudging down the Unemployment Journey.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Remember you have a choice either to dwell on your unhappiness or be a shinning star!

Unemployed Journey

2009-07-21T10:45:00.003-05:00

“Far away there in the sunshine
are my highest aspirations
I may not reach them
but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them and try
to follow them."
Lousia May Alcott

Lousia May Alcott’s quote enables us to have dreams, beliefs and the luxury of not having to accomplish goals overnight. What a great concept!!

As human beings most of us want things instantaneously and do not have the patience to wait over a period of time. I always think, if I knew the outcome beforehand it would be easier to wait for the end result. No such luck, life is a mystery.

Living in the unemployed journey you may feel: unsettled, frustrated, optimistic, happy or just numb. We go thru all these feelings during the day. One moment you feel good and suddenly your next thought comes crashing your hopes and dreams.

Welcome to the human race!!

Cheer up! There are some very simple steps below you can take to brighten your outlook.

• Close your eyes and tell yourself, “I am safe and in the process of finding a new job.”
• Start laughing. It maybe hard at first and as you continue laughing it will get easier.
• Take a 10 Minute Mini-Vacation by doing something nice for yourself.
Examples: Have a cup of coffee or tea, read a fun novel, take a walk, etc.

Sometimes you feel totally alone on this journey and the truth is there are many people in the same situation. Working with others not only helps you feel part of a team it also enables you to share information and support each other during this time of uncertainly.

My goal is to help you and others find that perfect job, make money and be happy again.

Please join the Love Yourself – It Matters Community by leaving your stories, hopes, dreams in the comment section. Together we will design viable options for finding employment in this time of uncertainly.

If you are not traveling on the unemployed path please tell others you know who are experiencing the journey about this blog.

I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Walking a Labyrinth for the Unemployed

2009-07-17T11:07:00.001-05:00

Life is a Labyrinth

Labyrinths have existed in virtually every period in history and most cultural communities for 3500 years. A labyrinth is an ancient symbol of wholeness. Also, a sacred tool viewed as a metaphor for life's journey.

The ancient and powerful tool is unicursal, offering only one route to the center and back out again. Walking the labyrinth you meander through each of the four quadrants several times before reaching your goal. The labyrinth offers you lessons as you walk the path and can assist you in addressing challenges, meditate, pray and find peace and serenity.
While visiting the New Age Health Spa in Neversink, New York, I walked along the Labyrinth different paths.

When I first arrived at the Labyrinth it looked like the skies would open up and pour with rain. Not letting the rain stop me, I started walking and thinking about what was happening in my life. As I kept walking it seemed the middle was so far away even though it was in sight.

After awhile the only thing I was focusing on was getting to the middle before it started raining. Kept walking, at one point I tripped and got back up. All of a sudden it hit me, walking along the different paths, is like our life's journey. We keep reaching for goals, sometimes falling backwards and always keep going even though they seemed so far away.

Eventually, I reached the middle, stayed a few seconds and turned to leave. It was like I reached my goal and what was next. The walk back was quick and the rain held off until I got back to the cafeteria.

Working with unemployed clients I realized they are walking a Labyrinth. Some prospects lead to interviews, new jobs and others to dead ends. My clients sometimes fall, get back up and keep walking along the different paths until they reach their goal.

Today is a new day and the beginning of your walk on the labyrinth. Take that first step with a new belief that the different paths will eventually lead to your goal of finding a job.

Keep creating and thinking about new possibilities that are on the horizon.

Good Luck!

The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is working together to support each other in this challenging time. If you know of anyone who is on this journey please tell them about the Love Yourself - IT MATTERS! Blog

Please join me in writing your tips on how to motive yourself, make life easier and able to smile at the end of the day. I am looking forward to reading your tips on this blog.

Peaceful Plan for the Unemployed

2009-06-30T10:25:00.002-05:00

Hey, today is a new day and the sun is shinning. Are you wondering, “So what, I don’t have a job and could care less about the sun shinning.”

Welcome to the world of the unemployed.

When we feel scared and have no idea of what is going to happen our thoughts take over and rule our unhappy lives. The good part is we are in control of taking care of ourselves.

You can give yourself a gift today and create a plan that will create peace in your life. No need to panic we can make the plan simple and easy to follow.

Following are questions that can help you create your special plan:
1. What made you happy yesterday?
2. Who can you call and have a good laugh with?
3. Where can you go to relax?
4. When is the most difficult time of your day?
5. How can you help a family member?

After answering the above questions you are ready to create your plan. Below is an example of a Peaceful Plan created from answering the above questions.

Peaceful Plan
Morning is my most difficult time of day so I will get dressed, go out for a cup of coffee and smile at another person in the coffee shop.

When feeling very stressed, call Sherri and have a good laugh.

Prepare dinner for my family before my husband gets home.

I love sitting on my back porch, having a cup of tea after dinner with my husband and just relaxing. It is very important that you both have an unwritten rule not to discuss anything stressful.

What steps does your Peaceful Plan include? Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters know about your plan and what benefits it is providing. Looking forward to hearing from you.

Remember when one door closes, it is hell waiting in the hallway so open a shade and look for the opportunities.

Helen

Unemployed Professionals Instructions for Your Day

2009-06-23T06:26:00.004-05:00

“One of the things I learned the hard way was
that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged.
Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life
can restore your faith in yourself.”
Lucille Ball

Waking up this morning it hits like a lead balloon, I no longer have a job. What am I going to do?

Not minimizing the situation you have a choice either to enjoy your day or go deeper into that black hole. You might ask yourself, “Come on Helen I have no choice.” My mind keeps thinking: I am not working…not making money…feel like a failure…really scared, etc., etc. These thoughts are natural and with a little practice you can change them.

Instructions for changing your thinking:
• Thought, “I will never find a new job.”
• Stop and say to yourself out loud, “Thanks for helping me!”
• Wait a second and say, “There is a chance I could find a new job.”
• Close your eyes and visualize yourself receiving a call with a job offer.

Changing the thought to a happy outcome gives you hope. When we feel hopeful things are not discouraging. The sun shines and we can see new possibilities.

With this new perspective you have a better chance of enjoying your day and discovering ways to find that perfect new job.

Put a smile on your face and say out loud, “Watch out world here I come.”

Enjoy your day!!!

Helen

Please let us know how you are doing. The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is here to support you in anyway we can.

There are Circles of Inspiration forming to support you in setting clear goals and taking quick action steps in finding well paying, inspiring work again. Check out the Love Yourself Website www.loveyourselfcoaching.com to find out about the Circles of Inspiration.

Actions for the Unemployed

2009-06-16T13:14:00.002-05:00

“Sometimes things which at the moment may be
perceived as obstacles – and actually be obstacles,
difficulties, or drawbacks – can in the long run result
in some good end which would have occurred
if it had not been for the obstacle."
Steve Allen

Reading this quote you might think to yourself how losing my job can be a good thing? I cannot find another job, working hard to keep my spirits up, and the worst part having no place to go.

What is a person do?

Yes, you might feel sorry for yourself and it is your right as a human being to have these feelings. You had a traumatic experience and need time to recover. This is a difficult time for you and everyone meaning well gives you advice which they feel you should follow right away.

As they say time heals all and with taking steps to adjust to your new life you will create a new normal. Prior to losing your job your normal was to spend at least 8 hours a day at work. Now you spend those same 8 hours worrying about your new lifestyle.

I have been working with Mary, a client who just 10 months ago had a job and was worrying about not being able to lose weight. Two months later she learned that the division she was working for had plans to layoff 70 people. Not feeling threatened she went to work every day and as time went on learned she was one of the 70 being targeted.

Her first response, how could this happen to me, I am a great worker and received excellent reviews. They probably made a mistake, will call me back into the office to let me know how sorry they were for making a mistake and they want me to stay. This scenario never happened.

We continued working together and changed our focus. The first object was for Mary to adjust to her new normal. Create a plan that would make her feel safe again and research ways to start the job search.

During this period, Mary implemented the following steps:
• Every morning upon rising she would follow her normal routine of getting dressed and making sure the children were at the bus stop on time. This sense of routine gave Mary and her children a sense of comfort that nothing was wrong.
• Followed her exercise program. Exercising gave her strength to go on and a feeling she was taking care of herself.
• Researched different job opportunities. This action gave Mary the feeling she was doing something in finding a new job.
• Attended networking events for jobseekers. Meeting other people in the same situation gave Mary the feeling she was not alone. They supported each other with resume writing, interview role playing and keeping each other optimistic.
• Preparing dinner for the family every evening and spending time with her children and husband. Created a feeling for everyone that life was continuing and they did not have to worry about what was going to happen.

Taking these initial steps on a daily basis gave Mary the courage and strength to continue her job search. She continually stepped out of her comfort zone, learned new things about herself and within time Mary was offered two different jobs which would be considered a promotion from her previous job.

So as Steve Allen quote states, sometime obstacles can in the long run result in a opportunity which would never have occurred if you did not experience the lose.

If you are among the unemployed and need support please let us know by leaving a response in the comment box. Remember the Love Yourself – It Matters Community is to here to empower you during your journey.

Many unemployed people are reading this blog and by sharing tools you have found can help others. Together we can make this journey a little easier and within time everyone will be working.

If you know of anyone who is traveling the unemployed journey please tell them about the Love Yourself - It Matters Blog. Together let's help make their life a little easier.

Helen

Helen

Tips for the Unemployed

2009-06-09T08:00:00.003-05:00

“To be upset over what you don’t have is to waste what you do have.”
Ken Keyes, Jr.

As human beings, we are wired to automatically focus on what we don’t have, instead of thinking about all the gifts we are constantly receiving.

What is a person to do?

In my group coaching circles, I have been working with women who have joined the roles of the unemployed. At first they are relieved the horror of not knowing is over. Then comes the trauma of being displaced, feelings of failure and anxiety of never being able to find another job.

It is understandable they feel this way. Women, for most of their adult lives rise in the morning, get dressed and leave for work. Come 9:00am and they have no place to go.

It has been suggested to rise at your regular time, get dressed and start researching job options. Who are they kidding?

I have been working with my clients to create a plan they feel comfortable implementing. By having a goal and taking small steps, builds their comfort level and sense of fulfillment.

Each person has their own needs and agenda. What will work for one person will not necessarily work for someone else.

However, here are 7 basic steps that can work for all of us:

1. Eat a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner
2. Wear clothes that make you feel good
3. Practice good hygiene
4. Exercise daily, even if you just take a walk around the block
5. Only focus on two or three steps a day. Otherwise your steps will become overwhelming and in all probability you will not accomplish anything
6.Join a support group
7.Take a daily mini-vacation – take 10 minutes a day to do something just for you. Examples: Just sit in a chair and relax; take a walk; read a book.

Be aware of the new opportunities that are presenting themselves to you daily.

I once heard a great quote: “When one door closes, it is hell waiting in the hallway, so pull up the shade and look out the window.”

Good Luck!

Learn how you can get support while being unemployed. The previous article is a flyer for the Circle of Inspiration for the Unemployed. Come join us or pass the flyer on to anyone you know that is unemployed and looking for support.

The Love Yourself – It Matters Community is forming a support blog for the unemployed in their time of need. If you know of anyone who is on this journey please tell them about the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog.

Please join me in writing your tips on how to motive yourself, make life easier and able to smile at the end of the day. I am looking forward to reading your tips on the Love Yourself- It Matters Blog.

Circle of Inspiration

2009-06-01T12:05:00.005-05:00

“How to find the perfect job so that you can feel self-assured, make money and be happy again”

Join the Circle of Inspiration; a group for professional women who are recently unemployed, who want to connect with smart individuals, and find the job of their dreams.

See you in the Circle, next session starts, July 6, 2009

Who is leading the Circle of Inspiration?
Helen Burton, CEC, ACC, founder of Love Yourself Coaching, has been leading circles and mastermind groups for seven years. As an expert group leader, Helen has helped many individuals gain the confidence needed to be a successful professional. For more information about Helen, visit her on the web at LoveYourselfCoaching.com.

What does the Circle of Inspiration do?
The Circle coaches unemployed, professional women to set clear goals and take quick action to finding well paying, inspiring work again.

Can you commit to 30 Minutes a week?
A weekly phone call is all it takes to meet up with the Circle. Each member will set their intention for the week, receive laser coaching and agree to steps to accomplish their next objective.

Here is an example of how the Circle works:
Claire’s goal for the week is to brush up on her interview skills. Claire agrees to the following action items:
• Prepare a brief, interesting summary about her work experience.
• Email a member of the Circle, a compelling list of distinguishing skills set that would be valuable to an employer.
• Role-play an interview with a few Circle Members.

Avoid simple mistakes!
Looking for employment, in this uncertain economy, is not an easy task on your own. After contributing to the household income for many years, women are concerned about how they will pay for their kid’s education or meet other expenses, now that they are temporarily unemployed.

Brainstorming and sharing ideas with smart, experienced professionals, creates a unique environment for women who are feeling anxious, frustrated or unmotivated about looking for their next job. Don’t look for a job alone, it’s much easier when you have help and encouragement.

Stay Fresh! The Circle is the perfect resource to stay current about researching your next job opportunity. Let the Circle help empower you.

Be accountable. It’s easier to succeed when you are surrounded by helpful, positive professionals who provide you with immediate feedback to help you to stand out among the crowd!

Who should join the Circle?
• Unemployed professionals
• 15 years or more of corporate experience
• Feeling anxious about being unemployed
• Want an easy and affordable way to connect with other women professionals
• You are a consistent wager earner

Circle Testimonial:
“I feel very fortunate to have Helen Burton coaching me through this difficult period of unemployment. Helen has a unique ability to help me move forward professionally. She helps me to draw on my past successes in order to set concrete and realistic goals for myself. Through her uplifting coaching methods, I have become a much more confident and proactive professional.
I am extremely grateful to have had the opportunity to work with such gifted career coach.”
Lyn Cleary Barrington, RI

Share this flyer with your friends.
The Circle is affordable! $49 a month.

Join! Become a member of the Circle! Email Helen at: helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net

Living Your Own LIfe

2009-05-23T11:35:00.000-05:00

“We have all been placed on this earth
to discover your own path,
and we will never be happy
if we live someone else’s
idea of life.”
James Van Praagh

What a powerful quote! How easy to live someone else’s idea of life. We don’t have to make choices or take a risk. The only problem we lose our identity and are sometimes filled with resentment.

Questioning who we are and what the purpose of our life are the hidden agendas of our beings. We have a drive within to feel good about ourselves and accomplish activities that make us excel.

Cheryl a very successful doctor married and has two grown children. She has been feeling her life has no meaning. Her children are both married have children of their own and are busy with their lives. Cheryl resents the fact she only hears from them if they need something. This is her perception.

She has lived her life through her children and husband. It does not matter she is a very successful doctor with patients who absolutely love her.

Asking Cheryl about her practice she dismisses it and says, “It is no big deal, my husband and children are more successful than me.”

What is wrong with this picture??

This opinion is not limited to women only, men also have the misconception if their partner makes more money they are more successful in their eyes.

What is success??

We sometimes are under the misconception that if a person makes more money they are successful. This idea is farther from the truth.

Success is what makes us feel good and a sense of accomplishment. Living our own life gives us this sense of fulfillment.

Working with Cheryl, she started discovering what a beautiful and successful person she had become. Today Cheryl acknowledges her special gifts, shares her life with others and feels content. What a beautiful gift she has given herself.

Some of the small steps Cheryl took to change her life perception:

• Everyday wrote in her “Me” journal what special gifts she were aware of that day.
• Took time to do nice things for herself at least once a week.
• Shared her ideas and dreams with her husband. This big, big step improved their relationship. Now they plan together.
• Invited her children to different events and let them know they were under NO obligation to accept the invitation. A miracle happened by giving her children an invitation with no pressure has opened a door of communication.

Living our own life and sharing it with others has given us a beautiful gift and freedom to accomplish our private dreams.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! blog community the experiences and miracles you have received while living your own life and sharing it with others.

Have a beautiful Memorial Day Weekend!!! Remember you are a special person and taking care of yourself with food and in stressful circumstances will give you the greatest gift possible.

Helen

Pet Stories

2009-05-12T09:06:00.002-05:00

Do you have a pet? I have two cats and their names are Alfie, a black cat with a white patch on his stomach and Alice who is white and grey with a pink nose. Both my cats have different personalities. Alfie is very loving and Alice considers herself a princess.

Both cats are teaching me how to love and accept love unconditionally. LOVE has always been easier for me to give then to receive. I'd much rather give someone a gift and watch them excitedly opened their present. On the other hand, when someone gives me a present, I feel embarrassed.

One day, Alice was sitting on my desk while I was writing my blog and just looking at me with love in her eyes (my interpretation). I realized how uncomfortable I felt having her stare at me. What I wanted to do was pet her and stop feeling uncomfortable. Instead, I made myself sit there and enjoy the moment.

That evening, I was out to dinner with a few friends and telling them how uncomfortable I felt when Alice was staring at me with love in her eyes. Others at the table started talking about their pets and how special they were in their lives. Some of the stories are as follows:

• Jay was taking a hike in the park with his dog. Suddenly he tripped over a tree branch and fell. His dog, Spike, laid down next to him and started barking until someone came running to see what was happening. The man checked to see if Jay was alright and called 911. Jay had broken his ankle and now is perfectly fine. Spike is Jay's hero.

• Chris told us how her cat, Sadie, always sits on the floor next to her while she is working on the computer. Chris is a technical writer and sometimes experiences writers block. Sadie being there gives her moral support to continue working.

Accepting the gift of love, even from a pet, enriches your life in the following ways:

• Feeling of being wanted
• Creates intimacy
• Sense of importance
• Ability to return the love
• Supported in many ways

I would love to hear your pet stories. Please send me an email at helen@loveyourselfcoaching.net or leave them in the comment section.

Heleen

Accepting the Ordinary

2009-05-06T12:09:00.001-05:00

Most people automatically focus on what is not going right in their lives instead of the ordinary blessings occurring everyday.

We are bombarded by the drama shown in the movies, news and television. We become addicted to the excitement. Naturally we look for the drama in our lives to satisfy that addiction.

Look at your everyday ordinary activities, taking the garbage out, going to work, cooking meals and driving carpools. We take these activities for granted.

What would happen if one day we were unable to perform these ordinary tasks? At first, most of us would be grateful for a few days off and then reality would set in. Not being able to perform our usual activities creates a sense of lose.

One step you can take is start expressing your gratitude for the ordinary things in your life.

You might ask yourself, “It sounds like a good idea and not an easy thing to accomplish.”

Below are some ways you can make the transition:

• Watch the sun rise or set and express to another person how beautiful the sky looked.
• Tell your partner before going to sleep 3 things that made you happy during the day.
• Say a pray thanking the Universe for the little things in your life.
• Taking the garbage out put a smile on your face and feel the joy for doing this little task.

Expressing joy for the ordinary things in life brings you satisfaction and happiness. What a simple gift we can give ourselves that produces such meaningful results.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community the ordinary in your life and how these activities make you happy. Together we can support each other in making changes that will make us happy and bring serenity in our lives.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

One Step At Time

2009-05-03T13:01:00.001-05:00

“The elevator to success is out of order.
You’ll have to use the stairs…
one step at a time.”
Joe Girard

Are you someone who thinks, “Why aren’t I more successful at losing weight, building my business or finding a perfect partner?” WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE!!

Most of us want things to happen instantly and when it doesn’t our minds start thinking what is wrong with me or it will never happen.

Just a thought, maybe focus on the small steps we are taking to reach our goal instead of thinking everything is so hard.

Sheila was struggling with her weight and felt defeated most of the time. Every time she got on the scale the number either got larger or stayed the same.

What was a woman to do?

Sheila could continually focus on the fact of not losing weight or think about what she was learning in the weight control process.

I know it is sometimes hard to change our mindset. With a little practice we can slowly start thinking in a different way.

Sheila’s mindset changing process:
• Listed daily some of the small steps she was taking to reach her goal.
o A big breakfast helped her feel satisfied during the morning. She no longer focused on being hungry and was able to concentrate on her job.
o Exercised in the morning helped increase her energy. The feeling of being tired all the time disappeared.

• Held a rock in her hand every time she wanted to eat and told herself, “I am beautiful and the food is not going to help me feel better.” This little exercise helped Sheila walk away from the food many a time.

Practicing these two small steps helped Sheila feel good about herself and in time the weight started to disappear.

Let’s keep the Out of Order sign on the elevator and continue to use one step at a time. It is a blessing in disguise.

Please share your thoughts about keeping the elevator Out of Order and using one step at a time to reach your goals.

Helen

Reaching Your Goals

2009-04-13T12:59:00.000-05:00

“It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.”
Ursula LeGuin

When we have a dream, goal or idea burning to be accomplished our focus is on achieving it. Ideas pop into our heads and as we start taking action steps our enthusiasm is pretty high. Then life steps in and things happen to slow us down or you become discouraged.

Welcome to the human race!

As Ursula LeGuin, states in the quote above, it is good to have a goal, but what matters are the steps you are taking and your attitude.

Reaching your goal is like playing a game of cards. At first the cards are shuffled, this is the time you are brainstorming, evaluating and researching ideas. Dealing the cards, you are creating an action plan that works for you. Playing the game, you are taking action steps. Someone wins the game, you reached your goal. Everyone throws in their cards, you start thinking what’s next.

As you can see, the successes are achieving your action steps instead of reaching your goal. Most people when they reach their goal start thinking what is next.

This can be a good thing. It enables us to keep growing and become the successful person we have always wanted to be.

I am your Fairy God Mother and will grant you any wish you desire. Take your time thinking about it.

Play the game of cards by brainstorming, creating an action plan, taking the action steps and reaching your goal.

Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community your goal, action steps and how it felt when you achieved the small steps in reaching your goal.

Finding Love In Yourself

2009-04-07T11:47:00.001-05:00

Find love in yourself
in taking time for you
in celebrating your special gifts.

Find love in your family
in acknowledging each other
in telling each other, “I love you.”

Find love in friendship
in sharing and supporting one another
in knowing you are not alone.

Find love in conversations with others
in listening and learning
in contributing ideas.

Find love
in sharing YOU
with others.

The poem above represents the meaning of love for me. It has taken me many years to realize what is important in life and what is not. What I have learned is that everyday is a new beginning and by respecting me and sharing with others, I find love.

I invite you to spend time thinking about the word, “love” and what special meaning it has for you. Please leave your comments on the Love Yourself - It Matters Blog and together let’s create a new meaning for the word, “love”.

Losing Weight by Having Faith in Yourself

2009-04-01T08:03:00.003-05:00

"It’s easy to have faith in yourself and
have discipline when you’re a winner,
when you’re number one.
What you got to have is faith and discipline
when you’re not a winner."
Vince Lombardi

Reading Vince Lombardi’s quote makes you stop and think wouldn’t life be much easier if I could have faith and discipline in myself all the time, no matter what was happening in my life.

You actually do have faith and discipline all the time even when times are challenging. During the hard times, most people are thinking about their problems and quite often ideas are popping into thier heads that could solve the challenge. By focusing on the problem you have faith that things will get better and the discipline to take action.

Terri was on the planning committee for her 25th Year Class Reunion. Her main goal was to lose 25 pounds before the reunion which was 8 months away.

She joined the Weight and Exercise Program at her local hospital. Mary met with the nutritionist and planned a diet that would work for her. Then she met with the exercise trainer who mapped out a plan for her.

The first month Terri did not deviate from the food plan, exercised everyday and to her amazement lost 8 pounds. Her faith in the program was at an all time high and also felt because she was disciplined with her routine the weight would continue to melt away.

The next month she continued following the plan and only lost 3 pounds. Terri lost interest in the program, started changing her eating habits and stopped exercising. You can imagine what happened, she started gaining the weight back.

Her faith and discipline took a vacation. One morning while getting out of bed she started thinking there has to be an easier way to lose weight. Her faith and discipline were returning!

While speaking with a friend about the fact she could not lose weight and did not want to attend the class reunion. A thought popped into her head if she cut her portions in half and exercised three times a week maybe she would lose weight.

Her friend offered to try the same plan. They decided to plan their meals together every evening and to exercise together on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Having support and a plan that worked for them both, a miracle happened, Terri and her friend lost weight.

Even though Terri was facing the challenge of not losing weight her thoughts enabled her to regain faith and discipline in herself again.

Please share your stories of when you were in a funk and your faith and discipline returned to help you find a solution to your problems. Sharing your empowering stories with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community helps us grow and make our lives easier.

Love Helen

Positive Thinking Includes Action

2009-03-21T08:13:00.005-05:00

“Man often becomes what he believes himself to be.
If I keep on saying to myself that I cannot do a certain thing,
it is possible that I may end by really becoming incapable of doing it.
On the contrary, if I shall have the belief that I can do it,
I shall surely acquire the capacity to do it,
even if I may not have it at the beginning.”
Mahatma Gandhi

After reading the above quote a lot of ideas popped into my head. I have often heard it said, “Your thinking creates your outcome.” Therefore, if you live by this golden rule, think positive and things will always turn out okay.

Now let’s become real and with all our positive thinking circumstances happen in our lives that cause hardships. For instance, you were at a conference all weekend and came home to find a flood in your basement. With all the positive thinking the water would not disappear in the basement.

However, if you took steps to fix the leak, clean up the water and basement you are on your way of solving the problem. What this situation is demonstrating you have to think positive and take action at the same time.

Karen, a busy executive with a large company felt that everything was working in her life except the fact she could not stop binging at night. She tried everything from attending different diet support groups, therapy, making herself think positive thoughts and getting into bed at 6:00pm. Nothing worked!

She felt what is wrong with me? I have a great job, beautiful family and loving husband. Still I can’t stop stuffing food into my mouth at night.

What was she to do?

Karen met me one day at a networking meeting and after our brief discussing we started working together. During our first session Karen realized thinking positive thoughts alone would not change the circumstances. She had to start taking action to get a different result.

We continued working together, creating a tailored action plan through trial and error, that worked for her. Within a short period of time Karen saw amazing results and the binging at night finally stopped.

What Karen did differently?
• Allowed herself to have a small snack before going to bed at night. She looked forward to the snack and did not feel deprived.
• Spent an hour each night playing games and laughing with her husband and children. Enjoying this time with her family, Karen did not think of food.
• Keeping a journal tracking her progress and actions for challenging situations. The journal helped Karen see in black and white what worked and what didn’t.
• Drinking a cup of tea and eating a piece of fruit at 3:00pm everyday. Taking the time to eat a snack satisfied Karen’s hunger and prevented her from grabbing food when she walked into the house.
• Taking time for herself each day. Treating herself special enhanced her self-confidence and made Karen feel special.

Now It Is Your Turn
Please share with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community how positive thinking and small action steps have enhanced your life. We are all in this together and by sharing our experiences helps us all to live a more empowering and happy lifestyle.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Making This Day Special

2009-03-05T11:48:00.001-05:00

“Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.”
Mary Anne Radmacher

Wow!! Wouldn’t life be beautiful if we could simply live this way?

Aren’t you waking up every morning and thinking today is going to be a special day? I am going to eat healthy, exercise, laugh at my silliness, appreciate people and enjoy every moment of the day? For most of us, the answer, “NO” is loud and clear.

Okay, guys let’s turn this perception around and see how we can bring a little happiness and sunshine into our lives.

Let’s take a step back and see what small changes we can make in our lives. Nothing too hard!

Thinking about how we can take a small step instead of move mountains, I thought of the following suggestions:

•Getting out of bed in the morning, take big steps to the bathroom while saying out loud in a quite voice, “Today is going to be a special day.”
•Look in the mirror and say in a quite voice, “You are so lucky.”
•Compliment someone who is having a hard day.
•Laugh at yourself.
•Take a small risk and tell someone about it. You can leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. We love celebrating with you.

Taking one of these small steps will definitely make an impact on your life. Remember you are the driver of your bus and can make any small changes you desire. Go for it!!

Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know about your brags and struggles, we are all in this together. Having each other as our support team enriches our lives and brings joy and happiness to each and everyone of us.

Make this day special!!

Helen

Being Your Own Best Friend

2009-02-26T12:36:00.002-05:00

"Friendship with oneself is very important
because without it
one cannot be friends with anyone
else in the world."
Eleanor Roosevelt

Being your own best friend is the hardest accomplishment we will ever achieve in our lives. Do you sometimes think, “I would never want to be my own best friend?”

Relax, you are not alone.

It is so easy to have thoughts that will make us feel miserable and take the sail out of our winds. Why does this happen? Some of us were taught as children, don’t brag about your accomplishments because no one will like you.

Having no one like us could be the most tragic thing in our lives. Everyone wants to be liked even if our behavior sometimes does not indicate this feeling. We are all in conflict with wanting to be liked and protecting our ego.

What is a person to do?

Let’s stop now and take a bend in the road. It’s bragging time at the old homestead. Starting this moment put a smile on your face and think about three accomplishments you are proud of and want the world to know. Don’t worry no one will hear you.

How do you feel?

Excited and scared at the same time. It is only natural to feel this way and with practice your new behavior of acknowledging your accomplishments will feel acceptable.

Start slowly! Below are some easy steps you can take for becoming your own best friend.

• Standing in front of the mirror with your eyes closed say, “I am beautiful.” When you feel comfortable slowly open your eyes, look in the mirror and say, “Hi.”
• Closing your eyes at night before going to sleep, tell yourself, “I am my own best friend.”
• Write down in a special journal your accomplishments during the day and how you feel.

Taking the time to treat ourselves special increases our self-confidence, makes us happier and we are kinder to ourselves and others.

Remember treat my best friend, _____________ like the special person he/she has become.

Now It is Your Turn:
Please try one or all of the exercises above and let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what miracles start happening in your life. It is bragging time at the old homestead.

Helen

Changing Your Perspective on Life

2009-02-16T16:07:00.002-05:00

Greatness comes not when things go always good for you,
but the greatness comes and you are really tested
when you take some knocks, some disappointments,
when sadness comes. Because only if you have been
in the deepest valley can you ever know how
magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain.
Richard Nixon

While reading Richard Nixon’s quote what thoughts pop into your head? Are you thinking, why do I have to experience the knocks, disappointments, in order to feel magnificent?

Here we go again, “Life’s golden rules.”

What I have been learning from life’s journey, the road to a magnificent life is paved with joy, sadness and lessons learned. Sometimes we have to experience hardship to learn from our experiences. By growing and learning we begin to see life from a different perspective and our life changes.

What always comes to mind, an alcoholic saying he is a grateful for being an alcoholic. When I first heard this expression, I thought they were crazy. What they were actually saying was by being in a 12 Step Program they learned how to change their outlook and today their life is filled with miracles.

We all have a choice when experiencing distressing circumstances we can either continue feeling sorry for ourselves or search out solutions.

Most people are immediately thinking what can I do right away instead of taking the time to grieve the loss and acknowledge what happened. We are often in a state of shock.

I was working with a client who was told by her doctor to lose weight or she would have to start taking insulin shots. After hearing this news she wanted to stop eating completely and show everyone she could lose weight in a short period of time.

Her plan did not work.

Walking into the house she started eating non-stop. During her coaching session that afternoon we discussed her distressing news and a healthy approach for solving the problem.

Below are some of the small steps Ida took:

•When she felt bad to let the feelings flow.
•Each day take small steps.

First week:
Ate a healthy breakfast.
Made an appointment with a Nutritionist
Marched in place for a minute in front of the television.
Did something nice for herself

Second week
Followed a healthy eating plan
Exercised for 5 minutes a day
Made an appointment with an exercise trainer
Did something nice for herself

Additional Weeks
Followed a healthy eating plan
Followed an exercise program
Did something nice for herself on a daily basis.

Ida had been following this plan for awhile, lost 50 pounds and never needed to take insulin shots. By acknowledging the deepest valley and taking steps to change her perspective she eventually reached the highest mountain.

Now it is your turn:
What situation in your life would you like to change? The key is to acknowledge what happened, give yourself time to grieve and at the same time take a small step. What small easy step can you take that will make a difference?

Remember nothing hard or scary at first.

Love Yourself – It Matters! Community is here to support you in anyway. Please let us know how you are doing by leaving a comment on this blog.

Helen

False-Starts

2009-02-03T12:55:00.002-05:00

Are you working toward a goal? Have you set a plan to meet that goal?

You have? Great!

Now… toss it.

That’s right, toss your plan right out the window.

“What’s this?” you ask? Has Helen, lost her marbles? Well, yes and no…

This may sound unusual but, in most cases, when we set a “PLAN” to meet a goal, it is typically, what I’d like to call a, ‘false start’.

Maybe you will recognize a ‘false start’ as I try to explain…

• You really want to loose weight. Before you can start watching the food you eat, you have to check your family calendar, (and your work calendar and your kids’ calendars…) to see when this plan will fit in your life.

• You want to create better relationships. You “plan” to buy a book and read it IN ITS ENTIRETY, before accepting an invitation that may offer you a new opportunity.

• You want to exercise more. BEFORE you can lace up a new pair of running shoes, you PLAN to listen to a 4 hour CD about the dos and don’t of getting in shape.

Now, before I continue…..THERE IS NOTHING WRONG with these steps.

Nothing wrong about doing some research or educating yourself.

The ‘PLAN’ breaks down when it takes much longer than needed or delays you from taking real action toward your goal.

My experience of helping individuals to effectively achieve their goals has helped me to immediately identify these ‘false-starts’. Clients typically are unaware of their seemingly good intentions. Having a good listener or coach, supporting you, is the best way to help you avoid this common issue.

And know this, we have all done this. Even me!

Helen’s SOLUTION:
Stop the false starts…they are nothing more than an excuse or excellent method of procrastination. Eliminate them all.

Breathe deep and promise yourself to take a small step TODAY. An example, “I will genuinely compliment someone for a job well done.”

Helen’s Incentive TIPS:
Like I said, I too, am guilty of many false-starts. This month I offer you some of my daily secrets for staying in action.
• Each Morning: Decide the small step you are going to take that day. Give yourself a beautiful gift of practicing the same step until you feel comfortable.
• During the day. Be aware of your accomplishments and lessons learned.
• At Night: Acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments and lessons learned.

Reminder: Review the lessons learned and adjust your small steps where needed. Work with a friend or join a support group so you receive and feel supported for each milestone accomplished.

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!
Let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community be part of your support circle. Leave your comments on how 'False Starts' have stopped you in the past and what steps you take now to stay in action.

Helen

Self-Indulgence vs Self-Kindness

2009-01-29T13:32:00.001-05:00

January 2009 is coming to an end, are you thinking, “I should have stayed on my diet and would have lost 10 pounds by now.” What happened?

Resolutions don’t work. We are human beings and have our own way of living our lives. Sometimes we are being kind to ourselves and then on the other hand being our own worst enemy.

Are you thinking that living your life without self-control is being kind to yourself or is it self-indulgence? There is a difference.

Self-indulgence is acting on our gratification of desire without thinking about consequences. Looking at a piece of cake and saying to yourself, “One piece won’t hurt” and then continue eating half the cake.

Self-kindness on the other hand is asking yourself first, “What consequences will occur if I act on my desire?” By choosing not to eat that piece of cake and taking a piece of fruit instead you are being kind to You. Once you start making choices which will empower you, your life becomes easier.

I guess your next question is how do I get started? This can be accomplished by taking a small step and with practice you will be making healthy choices without thinking about them.

The first step: before you take an action stop ask yourself, “Will this help or hurt me? Keep practicing this thought provoking step until you see yourself making different changes.

This is a topic I would like to continue exploring. Please let me know your thoughts regarding self-indulgence vs. self-kindness. Together we can create a way for each and everyone of us to practice self-kindness instead of self-indulgence.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Small Positive Change

2009-01-19T14:24:00.001-05:00

“Every small positive change
we make in ourselves
repays us in confidence
in the future.”
Alice Walker

Most of us walk through our day focusing on things that are upsetting instead of ways to change our circumstances. All we have to do is take one small step to change our thinking.

I was away for the weekend and came home to find a flood in my basement. Normally I would have gone into panic mode. Instead I moved all the boxes and exercise equipment onto the dry area. Called my neighbor to borrow his dry-vac and vacuumed up the excess water.

Feeling exhausted I was proud of myself for living in the solution instead of panicking over the situation.

What can you do differently to make a small positive change to reward yourself with confidence? You may think, “I can never change my situation.”

I heard a statement the other day that I am repeating over and over again, “If I believe I will see possibilities. So instead of thinking nothing will change just keep saying, “If I believe I will see possibilities” and see what happens.

Are you ready for the small change that will build your self-confidence? Following is a simple action plan that will make you happy.

1. Ask yourself, “What is brothering me right now?
Example: My favorite jeans won’t fit anymore.
2. Will thinking about the situation make it better?
Answer: No.
3. What is something I can do that will make me happy?
Example: Wear my favorite shirt.
4. Make the small change that will make me feel confident.
Example: Take an apple instead of eating a donut.

When you continue taking small positive changes in your life the rewards are countless.

Try the above exercise and let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community know how your confidence is rising.

If you need support please let us know by leaving a comment on the blog and we will brainstorm ideas together.

What are you doing nice for yourself Today?

Helen

Changing Eating Habits

2009-01-05T11:01:00.002-05:00

It’s January!

Have you already whispered quietly to yourself, “This year will be different; I will keep my New Year’s Resolutions and achieve my goals?”

Before you answer … let me share something interesting with you.

Doug Vermeeren (www.douglasvermeeren.com) writes about resolutions. He teaches us that, “The Traditional goal-setting formula most people follow was developed in the early 1900s in manufacturing to enable company executives to monitor the number of units coming out of a factory by a certain date. It’s a great measuring stick if you’re manufacturing products, but if you are trying to improve yourself or achieve something non-tangible, it’s a woefully ineffective and out-of-date process. For example, if your goal is to have a better relationship with your spouse, the traditional goal-setting formula simply won’t work.”

After reading this article, it’s no wonder so many of us become discouraged when our plans to change a behavior(s) does not work out.

What can we do differently?

For starters, we can accept the truth that changing a habit takes practice.

Here are some of my secrets for changing a tough habit:
1. Focus on the new habit one day at a time. Example: Only for today you will eat a healthy breakfast. If you go back to your old habit of just grabbing a cup of coffee, Stop! Acknowledge what you have done and prepare a bowl of cereal for yourself.
2. Seek support from a friend, family member or a professional. Together you can accomplish more with a team effort than alone. Celebrate after you have taken that small step.
3. Be kind to yourself if you slip. As my mother used to say, “Rome was not built in a day.” It takes time to change our habits.
4. Practice, practice and practice some more.

In a nut shell: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge your small steps of accomplishment.

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!

What habits have you changed in the past? Do you have a tip that works well for you? Share it with everyone in the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community by leaving a comment on the blog.

If you are struggling with food and have questions please leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog and I will address them in my next article.

Helen

Thank You!!

2008-12-24T14:47:00.001-05:00

Greetings!

What happened? It was just July and I was coming home from my daughter Mindi’s IronMan Event in Lake Placid? Now it is December and we are busy preparing for another holiday season.

Life does have a way of flying by…

Before we turn the calendar, I want to thank all of you for being in my life and supporting our Love Yourself Coaching Groups. It has been a pleasure to create group programs that are meaningful and life changing for so many people.

• We have over 50 members in the Coaches’ Coaching Circle (Circle). The members of the Circle are getting paid for their coaching hours, earning ICF certification hours and they are creating new friendships. If you are an experienced coach and would like to join us, please send me an email and we’ll get you enrolled.

• There is a new Circle for coaches who have recently graduated or enrolled in a coaching school. The members are mentored, coached and practicing their coaching skills with an experienced coach. The program is rapidly growing. If you are a new coach, looking for ways to strengthen your coaching skills, this is the perfect circle for you. Please join us.

• The Monday Wake-Up Calls are helping the participants reach their weekly goals. Everyone in the group has become accountable for their action steps and benefiting from learning from the group’s different perspectives. The group has accomplished many rewarding goals. Contact me if you would like to learn more about how you can become efficient in obtaining your goals.

• Get Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round clients are changing their behaviors, thinking and losing weight. I feel privileged to work with this group and watching how they are able to transform their outlook towards food. If you are tired of wishing you could loose some weight, try this successful program.

Most importantly, I want to thank all of you who have helped me through this year without my best friend and husband, Bob. Life can sometimes be difficult and with all the support I am receiving it makes it easier.

My special wish for you is to enjoy the holidays without any stress. As a gift to you, I have created a short video as a reminder to treat yourself with love.

Please take some time out to relax and watch a brief (under 2 minutes) video by clicking this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Wishing you a holiday season sprinkled with happiness, love and abundance!

Helen

Enjoying Your Office Party

2008-12-17T13:01:00.001-05:00

“Faith is taking the first step
even when you don’t
see the whole staircase.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Reading the above quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. points out by taking that first small step without planning how you will accomplish your goal is exhibiting faith in yourself.
Having faith and continuing to take small steps you will automatically reach your goal.

Ida’s Office Christmas Party was in two days and she wanted to lose 20 pounds before the party. The frustrating thought of knowing she could not lose the weight in two days made her angry at herself. Instead of eating healthy low calorie foods she binged on the cookies and cakes everyone brought into work. Not only was Ida self-sabotaging herself she was gaining more weight. Can you identify with this situation?

I am sure everyone at one time in their life could identify with this situation. What could Ida have done differently? As Martin Luther King, Jr. suggests have faith things will work out and take that first step towards your goal.

Thinking about Ida’s situation below are some of the steps Ida could have taken instead of binging on the cookies and cakes.

• Check her closet to find an outfit she felt comfortable wearing. Buying a new sweater or blouse will make a world of difference.
• Make a beauty parlor appointment and have her hair restyled.
• Chose to eat a healthy breakfast. At the next meal chose to eat a healthy lunch. Continue this pattern throughout the day.
• Plan not to eat any cookies or cake until after the office party.
• Arrange to sit with her friends at the party.
• After the party call her phone and leave a message acknowledging herself for who she has become this year.

Now it is your turn to try this experiment. Please let the Love Yourself –It Matters Community! know if taking one of the steps above made a difference when attending a holiday party. Remember all it takes is having faith and taking small steps to reach your goal.

Are you finding it hard to enjoy the holidays? See if my brief video helps you,
Link to video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Helen

2008-12-10T16:04:00.002-05:00

“One has just to be oneself.
That’s my basic message.
The moment you accept yourself as you are,
All burdens, all mountainous burdens,
simply disappear.
Then life is a sheer joy,
a festival of lights.”
Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh
Indian spiritual master

We constantly hear this same message over and over again. I am sad to say that if we accept ourselves as we are live becomes easier.

Your response might be, “I tried to accept myself and then I hear this little voice in my head screaming, “Who are you trying to kid, you are still fat, can’t lose weight, and get it through your head nothing will ever change.” The thoughts go on and on…

What can you do differently to let the thoughts continue and still at the same time accept yourself? This change in behavior takes time and can be accomplished by practicing small steps daily.

Some of the small steps you can take:

• When a thought enters your mind and starts screaming critical things about you. Picture a STOP sign and instantly say outloud, “I am in the process of… Example: Thought, “I can’t go to the party tonight because I gained twenty pounds.” Picture a STOP sign. Then say out loud, “I am in the process of losing weight and have lost 5 pounds.”

The idea is to change the thought and accept yourself as you are.

• Only wear clothes that fit. I know times are financially difficult for you right now. On the other hand, if you buy one or two inexpensive outfits that makes you feel attractive, it can make a world of difference.

By feeling comfortable in your clothes you will automatically accept yourself and feel attractive.

• Look at your face in the mirror and smile. Focus on the color of your eyes, your smile and say out loud, “You are beautiful, charming and a gift to the world.”

When we acknowledge who we are it gives us a sense of well being and then we start to accept who we are.

• Be kind to yourself. This maybe the hardest step and the one that is the most beneficial. You have a choice to either take an action that will hurt or help you. Example: You have a choice to either say something hurtful to someone or acknowledge them. By acknowledging the person, it gives them a feeling of acceptance and brings a smile to their face. You will also smile and feel good.

When others feel appreciated you start to accept yourself as a loving person.

Now it is your turn to experiment.

For the next four days try one or all of the steps above and see what happens. Please let the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community know what happens and whether you are feeling more accepting about yourself.

My special wish for you is to enjoy the holidays without any stress. As a gift to you, I have created a short video as a reminder to treat yourself with love.

When you can, take some time out to relax and watch a brief (under 2 minutes) video by clicking this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBxaeqrQoMM

Enjoy!

Helen

Easy Tips to Celebrating the Holidays

2008-12-01T20:14:00.002-05:00

Below is an article I wrote which has been published in various publications:

Easy tips to celebrating the holidays.
(from inside a food addict’s world)

You look great! You have been in charge of your eating and exercising all year and you love the way you feel.

Now, with your renewed confidence, you open your first holiday invitation for the season!

Are you ready? What is going through your mind….? Wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy the holidays without worries of losing control of your eating?

If you think you could use some support to get through this season, you are not alone. Most people with diet concerns struggle each holiday season, feeling frustrated and anxious.

Helen Burton, Get Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round Coach for individuals struggling with food, says, “The holidays have been reduced to getting things ‘done’ instead of taking care of ourselves.” Burton gently reminds her clients that “when self-care and self-kindness stop; sabotaging behaviors begin.”

Burton says her clients find this time of year very challenging. “Especially in our current world’s economic stress, many people are having difficulty making healthy food choices.

Burton has been working with clients for 6 years, helping them to build strong behavior habits that help control their eating. “We meet over the phone to strategize the challenges of their week and build strong coping skills. We have been preparing for the holidays since August!” Burton said.

This season, Coach Burton recommends a few easy tips to help you feel confident, before heading to your holiday parties. Use any combination of her ideas to help you enjoy a wonderful holiday season.

• Call the host a few days before the party to find out what they were serving.
• Plan what you will eat before going to the party.
• Put a ‘good luck rock’ in your pocket and touch it often to remind yourself that You are Special.
• Only, put food on your plate that you plan to eat.
• Do not go back for more food, under any circumstances.
• Pick two new people at the party you would like to get to know more about.
Introduce yourself!
• Slip outside or into the bathroom whenever you feel overwhelmed.
• Use Imagery. To help calm any anxiety, picture a bright light protecting yourself.
• Seek out friends at the party and ask for support.
• After the party, tell a friend or professional coach about the experience you had at the party. Talk about which behaviors worked successfully for you.
• Reward yourself by lightening a candle and listening to your favorite music before going to sleep.

With the right choices in behavior and surrounding yourself with supportive people, you can have a wonderful holiday season.

Make this time of year about meeting and spending quality time with people instead of focusing on the food. According to Burton, “All it just takes is a slightly different focus and things can be made easier.”

Action Step: Now it’s your turn!
How are you preparing for the holiday season? Do you have a tip that works well for you? Share it with Helen on her blog at www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com.

Wishing you a beautiful holiday season sprinkled with many happy memories!

Helen J. Burton, ACC, works with individuals who are tired of struggling with food. Register to receive more tips about how to be kind to yourself while Getting Off the Diet Merry-Go-Round at www.theloveyourselfcoach.blogspot.com.

Thanksgiving Day

2008-11-26T08:59:00.003-05:00

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing
is like wrapping
a present and not giving it.”
William Arthur Ward

Tomorrow in the United States we are celebrating Thanksgiving Day. I thought the day was about getting together with family members, eating turkey, all the other foods associated with the holiday and feeling sick because I ate too much. It never dawned on me it was a day of thinking about what you are grateful for and sharing your thoughts with others.

Many years ago when I first started on my self-growth journey, I was at a seminar and the leader suggested that we share what we were grateful for at our Thanksgiving meal. My first taught was that my family would think I was crazy and I was not going to do it. The next day I made a decision to try the exercise.

While everyone was enjoying our Thanksgiving meal, with fear in my stomach, I asked, “Everyone to say one thing they were grateful for.” At first everyone looked at me with that look in their eyes. Then my husband said, “He was grateful for being with everyone today.” Everyone joined in and it has become a family tradition to list our grateful list during the meal.

What I am grateful for this year:
• Personal Growth. I have grown personally by leaps and bounds. Today I look at life from a different perspective by enjoying each day as a special gift.
• Family and friends. I am so lucky to have family members and friends whereby we support each other.
• Eating healthy and exercising. Taking care of my body so I remain healthy, energized and active.
• Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. A community that supports each other in living life peacefully, happily and learns from life situations.

Now it is your turn!

Try asking everyone at your Thanksgiving meal what they are grateful for and let us know what happens. You can leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.

Also, I invite you to leave your Grateful List on the blog and share it with others.

Wishing you a happy Thanksgiving Day sprinkled with many special memories!

Helen

Do We Need to Be More Selfish to Be Successful?

2008-11-19T19:14:00.005-05:00

Periodically I invite other authors to publish an article on the Love Yourself-It Matters! Blog. Following is an article written by Bonnie Marcus.

Do We Need to Be More Selfish to Be Successful?

When we came into this world as infants, we were very focused on having our immediate needs met. Life was simple. With more "socialization", we began to respond to those around us and our thoughts turned outward. Our parents, friends, and teachers were more interested in finding ways to have us please them than to have us please ourselves and we lost touch with whatever internal guidance system we had. We became more OUTER directed and motivated by the approval and disapproval of others. We started to look for ways to please everyone else and if we made a decision to please ourselves and meet our own needs first, we were labeled as selfish.

As women, we have extra baggage around this issue because our society has taught us that women should be nurturers. The assumption here is that we need to take care of everyone and make sure that they are happy and healthy and all their needs are met. According to traditional roles, the fact that everyone is happy should be enough to make us happy because that is our responsibility. If everyone is happy, we are doing our jobs well. Of course, if there is some time after all this is done, it is acceptable to do something for ourselves. Otherwise, we are SELFISH.

These limiting beliefs have so many implications for women in our society. As more and more women enter the workforce and are trying to keep their lives in balance, the stress builds. If we believe that we need to please everyone in our families, our relationships, our work place, what happens to US? How can we do all this and be successful at work too?

How many times at work have you taken on other people's needs before tending to your own?

How many times have you taken on the work of others with the attitude that "If I don't do it. Who will?"

How many times have you avoided necessary difficult conversations because you did not want to offend someone? You want to be well liked.

How many times have you not taken credit for your work well done because you want to be viewed as THE TEAM PLAYER. Perhaps you don't accept compliments graciously.

There have been SO many articles, books, blogs done about the necessity for balance in our lives and how important it is to take care of number one. What about taking care of number one at WORK? What do we need to do to advance our careers and get credit for the work we've done? Maybe we need to be more focused first on our needs and our career path than meeting the needs of everyone else at work.

Bonnie Marcus, M.Ed, CEC
Certified Executive Coach
Email: bonnie@womenssuccesscoaching.com
www.womenssuccesscoaching.com

Bonnie and I would love to hear your opinions. Do we need to be more selfish to be successful?

Please leave your comments on the Love Yourself - It Matters! Blog and Bonnie will get back to you.

Every Situation Has a Silver Lining

2008-11-13T19:07:00.002-05:00

“Sometimes things which at the moment
may be perceived as obstacles –
and actually be obstacles, difficulties, or drawbacks –
can in the long run result in some good end
which would not have occurred
if it had not been for the obstacle.”
Steve Allen

Do you sometimes feel no matter how hard you try to lose weight it is not coming off or life just gets harder everyday? You are not alone!

Steve Allen’s quote implies that in the long run the obstacle can be a blessing in disguise. I know that might be hard to accept while you are focusing on the obstacles, difficulties or drawbacks.

Think of the time when you felt life was very difficult and after awhile things started to get better. Your perception of life changed or you received a gift from the Universe that you never expected to happen.

Ida was constantly trying to lose weight and every diet she started ended in failure. She started thinking she would be heavy for the rest of her life. With that attitude Ida ate everything insight. Within a few weeks she gained over 10 pounds and became more depressed.

One day reading the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog, she read that the secret to losing weight was “Self-Kindness.” Ida read the article a few times and immediately felt better. She got in touch with Helen and they started working together.

Ida’s thinking and behaviors started changing and before she knew it food was not her main focus in life. She started feeling better about herself, taking night courses and socializing again.

Ida worked with Helen for over 6 months and in that time the weight started melting away. Today Ida maintains a healthy weight and practices self-kindness daily. Ida is also grateful for the fact she struggled with her weight because it enabled her to become the healthy, happy person she is today.

Now It Is Your Turn!

• Take a piece of paper and describe the difficulty you are focusing on today.
• Write why it is causing you such pain.
• Describe what would have to happen to resolve the situation.
• Write the steps you would have to take to resolve the situation.
• Decide which small step you are going to put into action and by when.
• Be mindful of what miracles are happening as you are taking the small step.

Please let the Love Yourself –It Matters! Community know by leaving a comment on the blog what miracles are occurring as you are taking the small step to resolve the difficulty.

I am also available to support you in anyway I can. Just leave a comment on the blog and I will get back to you.

Remember the secret to success in every situation is self-kindness.

Helen

What To Do When That Food Craving Strikes

2008-11-03T18:03:00.003-05:00

“Much of the satisfying work of life
begins as an experiment;
no experiment is ever
quite a failure.”
Alice Walker

Does this sound familiar? You were following a diet, feeling good about yourself and then suddenly you find yourself eating again. What happened? It does not matter what triggered you into picking up the food. This is an everyday occurrence among those in the world of dieting. Please, please do not beat yourself up. There is a solution.

I remember the time I was on a diet for almost two months and the weight was coming off. One day after leaving a Networking Event, I walked past Duncan Donuts and saw all the donuts and muffins. I heard my mind saying, “You have been on a diet for almost two months so go buy yourself a small donut, it can’t hurt. My thoughts had a good time arguing among themselves. Before I knew it, I was in Duncan Donuts ordering a cup of coffee and a dozen donuts. I was too embarrassed to buy only one donut and had the idea I would bring them home for my husband and daughters. Guess what? The donuts never made it home. The only thing that arrived home was my anger at myself for eating them.

Let’s look at what you could have done differently if you were in that situation and your loud thoughts started drowning out your good intentions. Acknowledge the thoughts and thank them for helping you. Then say out loud, “I will eat something later and right now I deserve to buy myself a fun novel.” Immediately get into your car and go to the bookstore. The idea is not to make food an option and find other activities that make you happy. The most important thing is to start that activity right away instead of waiting for later.

Following are a list of ideas you could try instead of eating something:

1. Call yourself on the phone and leave a message bragging about how you are taking care of yourself by staying on your healthy eating plan and how much better you feel.
2. Have your nails done or get a pedicure.
3. Take a long walk and think about the things in your life that you are grateful for.
4. Call a friend and see if they want to meet for coffee and, if they agree, leave immediately.
5. While walking down the street make up positive stories about the people you are passing. I love doing this it puts a smile on my face.

Now it is your turn!
Leave a comment on the Love Yourself - It Matters! Blog bragging about the different steps you are taking and your successes. I love hearing from you and celebrating your new behaviors!

If you are struggling with food and have questions please leave a comment on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog and I will address them in my next article.

Do something nice for yourself today!

Helen

Taking Life Too Seriously

2008-10-24T16:11:00.001-05:00

“Blessed is he who has learned
to laugh at himself,
for he shall
never cease to be entertained.”
Josh Billings

What thoughts are you thinking when reading Josh Billings’ quote.? Do you take the time to stop and laugh at yourself or are you seriously thinking everything is so hard?

I had a problem with Alfie, my cat finding mice in the basement, killing them and bringing me a present; the dead mouse. Finding the mice made me crazy. I was tiptoeing around the house with a flashlight and looking everywhere before entering a room.

On a Sunday morning at 6am I called Mindi, my daughter, hysterical asking her to come over right away because there was a dead mouse in my basement. Her first response was come to my house. I said, “No” because I wanted her to get rid of the mouse. We proceeded to have an argument and after awhile we hang-up the phone on each other.

Twenty minutes later she was waking into my house asking where is the mouse. We both gingerly walked down the basement to find the mouse. Lying on the floor next to my cat was a half dead mouse. We both started screaming. Thank God Mindi was able to get it into a bag and out into the woods.

Before leaving she told me to live in the solution. I told her she was the solution. We were both upset with each other for a few days.

The other day a picture of that Sunday morning of us both screaming over a mouse popped into my head. Thinking about it, I started to laugh and realized what a funny story it was. I called Mindi laughing at the experience and we both had a good laugh.

Alfie, my cat has not been allowed down the basement since that day. Thank God there haven’t been any more presents left at my feet.

What I learned from the situation is there is a solution for every problem. Taking action by not letting Alfie in the basement has solved the problem. Also, it makes life so much easier to have a good laugh over your fears.

I would love to hear your stories. Please leave them in the comment section of the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. Together we will all have a good laugh.

As Josh Billings states, by laughing at ourselves we will always be entertained.

Helen

New Way of Thinking and Acting

2008-10-14T11:04:00.002-05:00

"Beginning Today…

Today
look in a mirror
and notice
that the person
who greets you
is beautiful,
inside and out.

Today
say to yourself that
you know nothing is
impossible.
Remind yourself that
every one of your dreams
is within reach.

Today
think about all of
the people who love you,
who see the beauty in you,
and begin to look at yourself
in the same way.”

~ Lise Schlosser

What were you thinking while reading the above quote? Most of us can logically say we are that beautiful person inside and out, nothing is impossible and we share our many gifts with others. Do we truly believe that in our hearts? The answer is "NO.”

We are human beings and have lived many years letting our thoughts tear away at our greatness. It is time to change!

What can you do differently? Chose one of the small steps below to start looking at life from a different perspective.
1. Read Lise Schlosser suggestions daily.
2. Look in the mirror and wink at the person looking back at you.
3. Decide on one very tiny step you can take to accomplish your goal. Example:
Your goal is to lose weight, just for today eat a piece of fruit instead of a high calorie snack.
4. Write yourself a love letter acknowledging who you have become.

Take time for YOU today! Make a choice to start thinking and acting differently. You are worth it! Today, after implementing one of the above steps please let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what happens.

Looking forward to hearing from you. Helen

Taking Time for YOU!

2008-10-06T13:12:00.001-05:00

I want to thank everyone for either leaving comments on the Love Yourself – It Matters blog or sending me emails with inspirational messages. Your messages have helped lift my writer’s block.

What helped the most is letting me know that you are reading the blog and been making changes in your life. We are all on this journey together and by supporting each other it makes life exciting and easier.

Looking out the window the sun is shinning, the birds are sitting in the trees and the squirrels are running around the backyard. Taking the time to enjoy my surroundings is such a special gift.

Are you taking the time to slow down for a couple of seconds and enjoy either a conversation or take the time to relax? We are all programmed to live life in the fast lane and see how much we can accomplish.

I was having a conversation this morning with a client on this topic. Patti, name changed, did not consider the time she spent relaxing during the day as being productive. Her day was spent on meeting deadlines and things she had to do. Then when 9:00pm rolled around she got into bed and watched television to relax.

I asked her if she had a spare minute in the morning, afternoon and evening to just relax. Her answer was a loud, “YES”. What could she do in those 3 minutes a day? Patti thought about it for a few seconds and said, “I could take a deep breath and close my eyes.”

Patti tried her new mini-vacation by closing her eyes and taking a few deep breathes. She instantly felt relaxed and her voice was softer. Patti made a commitment to practice this exercise at least three times a day.

Now it is your turn to take three minutes a day to relax, or have a fun conversation or enjoy your surroundings. Why not take that minute right NOW and see what happens.

Please share your experiences with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community and together we will enjoy life’s journey.

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Helen

Support

2008-10-02T15:32:00.001-05:00

Hi Everyone:

Today I am going to write you a letter letting you know what is going on with me. After speaking with Karen Miller, Publicist at lunch today about my finding it hard to write she quickly told me I have Writer’s Block.

At first I was relieved and then started to worry about how am I going to get through this new challenge. Not only is it hard to write, I feel guilty because there are a lot of you looking at my blog daily and there are no new posts. Please forgive me.

Karen explained that the only way to walk thru the challenge is to keep writing and eventually the words will flow again.

Hearing those words I made a commitment to Karen and now the Love Yourself – It Matters Community I will write on the Blog at least three times within the next seven days.

Thanks for listening and if anyone has any ideas or tips for making the journey easier please let me know by leaving your ideas in the comment section.

Thanks and look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

"Pocketful of Sunshine"

2008-09-29T11:35:00.002-05:00

While driving in my car the other day I heard the expression, “Pocketful of Sunshine.” Immediately, I thought of using the saying as a tool to help me stop my negative thoughts and put a smile on my face. Within a few seconds a negative thought popped into my mind, I instantly reached into my pocket and started sprinkling sunshine around me. It put a smile on my face and I felt better.

This morning during the Monday Morning Wake-Up Action Call, we discussed how using the expression, “Pocketful of Sunshine” can make a difference in our lives.

Some of the benefits for using our Sunshine are as follows:
• Brightens your mood instantly.
• Makes you feel confident.
• Always available to help with negative thinking.
• Enhances your special gifts of laughter, smiling and having fun.
• Helps others to put a smile on their face when they see you smiling.

We are a society of instant gratification. We are constantly, trying to find things that will make us happy right away. We have finally found the tool of sprinkling sunshine around us to put a smile on our face and create happiness.

Now it is your turn to close your eyes and pull some sunshine out of your pocket and sprinkle it around you. What happens? Now open your eyes and share your findings with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community.

Happy New Year to the Jewish Love Yourself – It Matters! Community members.

Helen

Creating Memories

2008-09-20T09:40:00.001-05:00

“Relax and have fun over the next couple of weeks.
Remember, you’re making memories at every moment.
Make sure that yours are worth remembering:).”
Cheryl Richardson

Cheryl Richardson’s quote was in a newsletter she sent last year during the holiday season. Reading the quote this morning I felt this action applies to everyday of our lives not only during the holiday season.

Do you find yourself worrying, not laughing and just feeling overwhelmed by life? You are not alone there are many people experiencing the same feelings. Okay what could we do in the next 15 seconds to bring a smile to our faces?

I have an idea close your eyes and think of a funny situation. The other night I was on the phone speaking with a book agent and trying to be very professional when all of a sudden I realized my cat had a mouse in her mouth. Instantly I started to scream my cat has a mouse in her mouth which ended the conversation immediately. Speaking to him the next day he thanked me for the good laugh.

Screaming scarred my cat and she dropped the mouse and went to hide. I called Andrea, my neighbor who came over immediately. I could not stop screaming, was so mad at Bob for dying and leaving me alone to deal with the situation.

Andrea and I with flashlights were crawling all over the floor looking for the mouse who we could not find. All of a sudden we looked up and my cat was just staring at us probably thinking what are they both doing. We both started to laugh so hard at what was happening.

The next evening I found the dead mouse in her water bowl. Screaming very quietly because all my neighbors were sleeping I threw the water bowl in the garbage. Today the exterminator company is coming to make sure I don’t have any more mice and to plug up some holes.

Reading Cheryl’s quote reminded me that I am making memories all the time and every time I tell anyone this story I am sure we will laugh.

What funny story brings a smile to your face? Please share it with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. Together we will bring a smile to each other’s faces. I am looking forward to hearing your stories. Helen

Peace In the World Today

2008-09-11T19:31:00.006-05:00

I received an email today with a link to the Peace Today Movie and would like to share it with you.

In honor of 9/11 - Please watch www.PeaceTodayMovie.com

When each and everyone of us takes one small step towards creating peace in the world we will achieve it. Start by saying a kind word to people you meet on a daily basis.

Helen

Achieving Goals

2008-09-09T09:59:00.003-05:00

Achieving goals by themselves
will never make us happy
in the long term:
it’s who you become,
as you overcome the obstacles
necessary to achieve your goals,
that can give you the deepest sense and
most long-lasting sense of fulfillment.
Tony Robbins

After reading the quote what thoughts came to your mind? Did you think the most important thing is reaching my goal and if I don’t reach it I will never be happy? Don’t feel bad you are not alone.

I have found that when we want something so bad we focus on it all the time and don’t take the small steps to achieve the goal.

Jamie, name changed, was always talking about losing weight and felt like a failure because she kept on gaining weight. She continued eating unhealthy foods that were loaded with calories and prayed that she would lose weight. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and hoping for a different result. It was not surprising that she did not lose the weight.

What could she have done differently to achieve her goal? No rocket science answer, all she had to do was take small steps to change her behavior and thinking.

Taking small steps to change your thinking and behavior is a great concept and sometimes hard to implement. We are often not aware of what we could do differently. Following are some ideas in helping you decide what small action steps you feel comfortable taking:

• Think about why you want to reach your goal. Is it to feel healthier, have a better relationship or feel more contentment in your life?
• Write down your thoughts or tell someone else what you have been thinking. Getting the thoughts out of your head you start to take action.
• Think about what it would be like when you reach your goal. By thinking about when you reach your goal makes it real.
• List all the action steps you would have to take. Example: Eat a healthy lunch.
• Decide which small step you are going to take and by when.
• Take the action.

It has been proven over and over again when we succeed while taking the small steps we feel successful. The achievement is in the steps because when we reach our goal most people say, “What is next?”

Now it is your turn to share your thoughts and action steps with the Love Yourself – It Matters Community. Remember by putting your ideas out to the Universe gives you the courage to take the steps. I look forward to hearing from you.

Helen

We Learn From Making Mistakes and Repairing Them

2008-08-28T10:54:00.003-05:00

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.

“We do not believe in perfection, we believe in mending. We make progress toward a goal, but we seldom move in a straight line toward it without missteps. Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and then spills it all over again. We try to do our best, but inevitably we make mistakes. So a large part of normal daily life is spent mending.

When we accept imperfection as a fact of life, we make peace with the constant need for repairs. Saying I made a mistake and I owe you an apology is never fun, but when we do it we grow stronger. Every disappointment, every complaint, points to an underlying hope or wish. We can use them to point us to repairs we would like to make. We do not learn anything new from correctly repeating what we already know. We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.
Select one complaint or one mistake that you want to mend and turn it into a learning experience.”

As you are reading the above quote what life imperfection comes to mind? Are you beating yourself for not being in control, having trouble relating to anyone or do you feel you are not moving fast enough in accomplishing your goals?

As I am moving on my bereavement journey sometimes I make a turn and feel like my life is falling apart. It takes a conversation with someone close to me to help me re-enter the right track. As the quote above states, “Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and spills it all over again.” What I am learning instead of focusing on the mistakes STOP take a deep breath and think about what you learned from the experience.

Francis was always beating herself up because she was a vegetarian and felt deprived if there wasn’t a big bowl of candy waiting for her at the end of the day. She continually told herself, “If I eat healthy during the day I won’t want the candy at night.” As the night proceeded she always sat down with the bowl. Francis even tried having her husband hide the candy and when it was not available she would run to the store and buy more. This pattern went on for a long period of time. What Francis did not realize was if we continue doing the same thing over and over nothing changes. We have to learn from our mistakes and make changes.

We started working together and after Francis told me what was happening we decided to try a new approach to her circumstances. The first step was to stop blaming herself for eating the candy and acknowledge herself for being a loving and kind person. For the next few months Francis worked on making amends to herself for constantly being her worst critic and opponent.

Gradually she started realizing that befriending herself gave her self-confidence and the willingness not to eat the candy and have a piece of fruit and nuts instead. What a beautiful gift she gave herself.

Now it is your turn to select one issue that is making you unhappy and turn it into a learning experience. Do you have to make amends to yourself or someone else or take a new approach? Take the following steps:
• Write about what is making you unhappy.
• List the reasons you don’t want to change anything.
• List what changes you are willing to make.
• Review both lists.
• List the one to two small things you will change and by when.
• Share with someone or let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what changes you are willing to make and by when.
• The best gift you can give yourself is ask for support as you are progressing down life’s journey.

Good luck on your new journey! I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Creating a New Attitude

2008-08-24T14:48:00.003-05:00

Look on the Bright Side

“For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.

For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.

For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.

For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.

You can’t always change the way things are,
But you can change the way you wish to see them.
Never stop looking
For the brighter side and beyond.”
Eric T. Moore

As you are reading Eric Moore’s quote and exercise above what thoughts pop into your mind?

Following are my answers to the exercise:

For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.
Negative: I am alone in the world.
Positive: My family members and friends love to be with me.
Positive: I am receiving beautiful gifts from the Universe constantly. Example: My warmth and smile.

For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.
Should’ve: Had more of a social life instead of only spent time with Bob.
Acknowledgement: I have been meeting new people and exploring new opportunities.

For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.
Loss: Losing my husband and best friend.
Gained: New confidence in myself, the wiliness to explore new opportunities and build a social life.

For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.
Limit: Feeling that I have to run my business by myself.
Possibility: There are people who I have employed that are specialists in their field and have helped my business grow by leaps and bounds.

Now it is your turn to take out a piece of paper and write down the answers for each section. Once you have completed the exercise put your answers next to the phone and after each phone call read what you have written. Also, please leave your answers on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. By reading our responses on the blog we will learn about the different changes everyone is making in their life. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Living a Clean, Sober and Prosperous Life!

2008-08-21T14:50:00.001-05:00

Periodically, I invite special guests to submit an article for the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. I invited Dan Callahan, LMSW founder of the Last Resort PA, Panamas Premiere Recovery Center, a Drug and Alcohol Rehab.

Dan has a unique method of assisting those in need to overcome their challenges with addictions. He has been successful with some of the most difficult of cases. Thank you Dan for the beautiful gift you are giving to others.

Living a Clean, Sober and Prosperous Life!

“Success is the attainment of a worthy Goal or ideal” Earl Nightingale. Recovery begins at the onset of abstinence from the individual’s drug of choice. Successful recovery is the attainment of a worthy goal or ideal. There are two phases of the recovery process, rehabilitation and recovery. Rehabilitation is setting the groundwork, the foundation of the recovery process. Making the decision to abstain from mind-altering substances, implementing the principles, steps and strategies to eradicate the obsession to “use.” For example, an individual utilizing the 12-step approach to recover would complete the rehabilitation process after step-10 is implemented on a daily basis.

In 1956 Earl Nightingale recorded “The Strangest Secret”. At the time Earl owned a small insurance company. Earl actually recorded the session for his sales force to listen to while he was away for a trip. The recording became so popular that it was released to the public.

Earl did not claim that he had news of this suppressed secret of success. Actually he states just the opposite. In Earl’s humble words, it is not a secret at all. The teachings go back since the beginning of recorded time! The truth is that people fail to “Think”, they conform, Conformity! For the recovered individual conformity comes in two forms: 1) Conformity is often disguised as complacency. 2) Conformity comes when the individual stops focusing on their two recovery objectives.

Living a clean, sober and prosperous life involves focusing on two recovery objectives with a positive mental attitude in place: 1) Setting your family and personal goals. 2) Giving back to the still suffering and recently recovered addict & or alcoholic or some other worthy cause.

On Sundays I like to head to the beach. I was raised on Long Island and hitting the beach was a normal activity. I usually hit a local beach at Las Olas it is a Pacific Ocean beach. The under current at this beach is extremely dangerous and to top it off there are no lifeguards. People are cautious and respect the danger.

I enjoy walking the beach because it calms me and it gives me some additional exercise. I love to listen to the waves break, watch the various sea birds soar and the dolphins breach the surface. Life can often be like the waves. They come crashing in with a thunderous roar and settle on the beach. Yet right behind it is another wave breaking the shoreline one after another. At times seemingly beating the life out of you.

Early in my own recovery I remember hearing folks share how wonderful it was to wake up in the morning and hear the birds sing. In my insanity I would think, those damn birds are waking me up! I always held the negative perspective. However, over the course of time I learned that life is good. Life is enjoyable. I found out that if I believe that life is good and keep my attitude positive then good things happen. It is the doom and gloom attitude that dims the soul.

Developing an attitude of gratitude requires cultivation and time. Focusing on recoveries two objectives is a lifelong process. Nothing less will do.

Daniel J. Callahan, LMSW

Visit Dan’s Blog at www.rehabthelastresortpa.blogspot.com and website at www.thelastresortpa.com to learn more about the wonderful work he is providing to others in need.

Life's LIttle Gifts

2008-08-19T10:47:00.002-05:00

Saturday, August 16, 2008 was Jill, my daughter, and Bill’s wedding. It was a beautiful sunny cool day and everyone looked beautiful.

Jill and Bill planned the wedding for a year and everything was perfect. The hall looked beautiful and everyone had a great time dancing. It was a fairytale wedding.

While watching them during the ceremony it brought back memories of how Bob and I were. We shared our dreams, traveled and enjoyed life's little things. What I wish for Jill and Bill is a life filled with happiness, compassion for each other and enjoyment of the little things.

Isn’t it amazing how much planning goes into a wedding and then within 5 to 6 hours it is over. The secret is to enjoy the planning stage of an event and then when the night finally arrives enjoy the people.

While writing this post I was thinking how most people live very busy lives, hoping something will happen or planning an event. They do not take the time each day to smell the flowers and be grateful for what is happening in the moment.

It has taken me many years to finally STOP for a moment and appreciate what is happening around me. I have STOPPED for the moment and following are the gifts that bring a smile to my face.

• The sun is shinning and there is a slight breeze blowing.
• The music is playing in the background.
• My cats Alice and Alfie are sitting right next to me.
• I have many friends and family members who support and love me.
• I have a beauty parlor appointment today to get my hair done.
• Love writing on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.

Now it is your turn to STOP for a moment and think of all the small things in life you are grateful for. Together let’s build a list which we can share with each other . I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Dreams Do Come True

2008-08-12T09:57:00.003-05:00

“You are never given a dream
without also being
given the power
to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.”
Richard Bach

What comes to your mind as you read this quote? It gives me the security that I have the power within myself supporting me in taking the steps to reach my goal.

I once heard that success is in taking the steps not reaching your goal. Once a goal is reached most people take it for granted and start thinking what is next.

Pauline had an appointment with an exercise trainer and was very excited. She arrived at the gym ten minutes early and walked around watching the people exercise. All of a sudden fear popped its ugly head and her thoughts started telling her, “What makes you think you can exercise like that girl over there she has a great body and you are fat?”

Pauline almost walked out of the gym when her trainer walked over and introduced herself. Now she was stuck and had to stay. Terri, her trainer, took her to a secluded area and asked a bunch of questions. Slowly Pauline started to calm down.

Terri explained they were going to start slowly, make sure Pauline felt comfortable with the exercises and did not hurt herself. They started working together and as time went by Pauline had the power within herself to continue the program. Today she exercises five times a week and loves the way she looks.

What is your dream? Is it to lose weight, change your job, build your business or just feel good about yourself? Knowing you have been given the power to make your dream come true what small step can you take today to get started? Below are some small steps you can take:

• Take a walk.
• Surf the Internet and look for new job opportunities.
• Attend a Networking Meeting.
• Take time out of your busy day to take a mini-vacation. Spend 10 minutes a day doing something that makes you happy.
• Visit a gym in your area.
• Eat one healthy meal today and next week eat two healthy meals. Gradually add healthy meals until you are eating all healthy meals.

Lets us know what small steps you are taking and bragging about what is happening. I love hearing your successes and celebrating with you! On the other hand, let us know what challenges you are facing and together we will solve them.
Helen

Being Kinder to Yourself

2008-08-04T08:50:00.001-05:00

Are you being kind to yourself? Today is a new day and we have a choice to either continue doing the same thing and hoping for another result or do something different.

I was thinking about why we are the hardest on ourselves. The thought popped into my mind the reason being we want to look perfect and to achieve that we have to be hard on ourselves. How can we change this situation and be kinder to ourselves. I asked my clients, coaches, friends and family members what they do to make sure they were kinder to themselves. Following are some suggestions:

1. Before getting out of bed in the morning decide what you are going to do nice for yourself that day. Make sure you do it!
2. Be kind to yourself.
3. While taking a shower sing your favorite song.
4. After putting your make-up on look in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look pretty.”
5. After shaving looking in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look handsome.”
6. Today only eat healthy meals.
7. Spend time alone each day daydreaming.
8. Spend time with your family members sharing what made you happy today.
9. Reading your “Happiness Journal.” A journal listing all the things that made you happy in the past.
10. Keep telling yourself, "I am perfect just the way I am."

Affirmation: I give myself permission to be the number one person in my life today!

Now it is Your Turn!

What ideas can you add to the above list? Please let me know and together we can create a list of suggestions to ensure we are the number one in our lives. You can hit the comment button and leave your suggestions.

Happy Childhood Memories

2008-08-02T10:31:00.003-05:00

As you are reading this blog, think about the times in your childhood when you felt happy and secure. Did you have a favorite craft, stuffed animal, toy, or shared a special time with someone?

While reading the book, “The Friday Night Knitting Club” by Kate Jacobs, I started thinking about the times when I learned how to knit. In the evenings sitting in the kitchen with my mother we would knit and she would tell me stories of her childhood. I remember how happy and content I felt. The best part was my sisters were sleeping, my father was reading the newspaper and I was alone with my mother.

As I entered my teenage years the knitting was put aside. I did not pick up the needles and yarn again until I was pregnant with my daughter and started making baby clothes. I continued knitting until my daughters were three or four years old. Tried again when my grandson was born and made him a sweater. That was the end of the knitting era for me.

Last weekend I walked by a knitting store and felt the urge to knit a scarf. Not acting on my inner feelings I walked by and thought about it all week. Yesterday I walked by the same store and acted on the impulse to walk inside.

Once inside the store I saw all the beautiful yarns and allowed myself to try knitting a row. It is amazing how I remembered instantly how to cast on, knit and purl stitches. My daughter made the comment, “Knitting is like riding a bike you never forget.”

I treated myself and bought the yarn, needles and instructions to make a scarf. Last night while listening to music I worked on my scarf. It was so relaxing and I thought about the times I sat in the kitchen with my mother and we both knitted together.

Today as I was telling friends about my knitting experiences it brought a smile to their faces. They started sharing how they learned to knit and how happy it made them feel.

Now it is your turn to share your childhood memories about your favorite craft, stuffed animal, toy, or a special time you spent wtih someone. Leave your stories on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. I am looking forward to hearing from you.

Helen

Taking a Risk

2008-07-24T14:32:00.005-05:00

"If you feel that you were off to a
good start but are currently
stalled, you need to admit to
yourself that you have probably
slipped back into your comfort
zone.

More than likely you have been deceiving yourself that you are making progress, but at the same time you are really not getting anywhere.

What you need to do is take action.
Even if it is a very small action.

Nothing you can tell yourself,
nothing you can say to others,
nothing you can think or feel
or imagine is going to get you
out of the mental bog you're
mired in.

The only thing that can rescue you is -

to take that next step.

Maybe you know what that is.
If you know exactly what it is,

DO IT!

If you don't know, or aren't sure,
allow you intuition to guide you.
Do whatever you feel compelled to
do, but do it NOW to get yourself
going again -- even if it means
entering. . .

. . . your discomfort zone.
Dr. Robert Anthony

As your are reading Dr. Robert Anthony’s quote, what thoughts are your thinking?

Recently, I have been living in my comfort zone. It was time to step out and take a risk.

This morning I pushed myself to go on the treadmill and lift weights. At first it was a struggle and after five minutes I started to feel better. After finishing I felt energized and could not understand why I have not been exercising daily.

While on the treadmill I was thinking of what small steps a person could take to step out of their discomfort zone. Following are a few steps you can take:

1. Plan to do something for a short period of time and then take a break. Exercise for only 10 to 20 minutes.
2. Take small steps that you feel comfortable taking.
3. Ask someone to support you. Call a friend and schedule time to walk together and then have a cup of coffee or tea.
4. As Nike says, “Just do it!”
5. Tell yourself you will try something new (i.e. Not eat sugar from 8:00am to 9:00am.) Then reward yourself by bragging about your accomplishments on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.

Now it is your turn to add your thoughts. Let's share our accomplishments with each other. It is easy just click on the comment link below. Helen

Cloud Nine Thoughts

2008-07-08T10:57:00.003-05:00

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.”
Norman Vincent Peale

As you are reading the article below think about what makes you happy and sharing your ideas with all of us in the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community. Together we will bring a smile to everyone’s face. It is easy; all you have to do is leave your ideas in the Comment Section below.

Norman Vincent Peale's short message holds the key to happiness. Thinking about what beauty you see and your experiences each day changes your perspective on life.

When we were little we were told that looking at life through Rose Colored Glasses, was not acceptable and we should focus on what was really happening. I now look at that advice as pure garbage.

Why should we be worrying all the time? I rather focus on the opportunities and miracles instead of concentrating or worrying about my challenges.

Following are some Cloud Nine Thoughts and as you are reading them spend time thinking about what other thoughts make you happy. Let’s create a list that will put a smile on our faces.

1. Receiving an email from a friend thanking you for your friendship.
2. Laughing so hard you have to sit down.
3. Having a cup of coffee or tea at an outside café.
4. A hot shower
5. Driving in the car, hearing your favorite song on the radio and singing along.
6. Watching a baby laugh.
7. No lines at the supermarket.
8. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
9. Watching a movie in bed.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Playing Power Rangers with your grandson or Barbie with your granddaughter.
12. Seeing a Broadway Play with someone special.
13. Eating at a special restaurant.
14. Giggling with a friend.
15. Finding money in your pocket.
16. Laughing for absolutely no reason.
17. Smiling at yourself in the mirror.
18. Loving yourself.
19. Holding hands with someone you care about.
20. Watching the expression on someone’s face as they open a present they always wanted.
21. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
22. Hugging someone you really care about.
23. Knowing you had done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Now it is your turn to add your thoughts. Let's make this the biggest cloud nine list ever. List the things that make you happy. It is easy just click on the Comment Section below. I can’t wait to read them. Helen

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

2008-07-02T15:31:00.003-05:00

“Being myself
includes taking risks with myself,
taking risks on new behavior,
trying new ways of ‘being myself,”
so that I can see who it is
I want to be.”
Hugh Prather, American writer

What a great way of looking at life. Taking risks and doing something outside of your comfort zone creates new miracles in your life and lets you see who you want to be.

Every time I am invited to a party my old tapes surface and remind me I shouldn’t go to the party because I will want to eat everything in sight. My first reaction is to call the host and tell them I can’t come to the party. Before picking up the phone I remind myself how many times I have gone to a party and there was always something for me to eat. Making sure I feel safe, I always call the host and ask about the food choices and if there is nothing for me to eat I ask if I can bring my own food. All my friends know my eating habits and have food for me to eat.

Why do I make myself crazy instead of looking for ways to leave my comfort zone? It is a human condition, which I am sorry to say we all have. We let our fears sometimes rule our lives. Listening to our fears gives us permission not to take a risk.

On the other hand, taking a risk allows all new opportunities to materialize and we start living life from a different prospective. If I allowed myself not to go to the party I would have probably stayed home, felt lonely and ate everything in sight because I was unhappy.

Going to the party I meet new people, saw old friends and eat a healthy meal. Isn’t that better than giving into my fears?

While at a party I use the following tools:
• Talk to three people before I look at the food.
• Take a plate and decide what I am going to eat before taking any food.
• Sit with a group of people while I am eating.
• NEVER go back for seconds.
• Drink a cup of tea or coffee after I finish eating.
• Talk to three new people
• Leave early.

When I get home I do something nice for myself. Rewarding myself for stepping out of my comfort zone and eating healthy validates who I am.

What is your secret for giving yourself permission to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone? Leave a comment telling me your secret and together we will create a list of tools we can use to Step Out of our Comfort Zone. Helen

Pet Stories

2008-06-30T13:09:00.004-05:00

Do you have a pet? I have two cats and their names are Alfie, a black cat with a white patch on his stomach, and Alice, who is white and grey with a pink nose. They have different personalities. Alfie is very loving and Alice considers herself a princess.

Alfie and Alice are teaching me how to love and accept love unconditionally. It has always been easier for me to give and hard to receive. I would love to give someone a gift and watch them get excited when they opened the present. On the other hand, when someone gave me a present I felt embarrassed.

One day Alice was sitting on my desk as I was writing my blog and just looking at me with love in her eyes (my interpretation). I realized how uncomfortable I felt having her stare at me. What I wanted to do was pet her and stop feeling uncomfortable. Instead I made myself sit there and enjoy the moment.

I was out to dinner with a few friends and I was telling them how uncomfortable I felt when Alice was staring at me with love in her eyes. Others at the table started talking about their pets and how special they are in their lives. Some of the stories are as follows:

• Jay was taking a hike in the park with his dog. Suddenly he tripped over a tree branch and fell. His dog, Spike, laid down next to him and started to bark until someone came running to see what was happening. The man checked to see if Jay was alright and called 911. Jay had broken his ankle and now is perfectly fine. Spike is Jay’s hero.

• Chris told us how her cat, Sadie, always sits on the floor next to her while she is working on the computer. Chris is a technical writer and sometimes experiences writers block. Sadie being there gives her moral support to continue working.

When did you experience unconditional love from your pet? Sharing your stories now may help brighten someone's day and at the same time put a smile on your face. I am looking forward to reading the stories. Helen

Changing Your Thoughts in an Instant

2008-06-23T10:11:00.004-05:00

Are you constantly defending yourself against your thoughts? Most of us have these types of conversations with ourselves on a daily basis. This is often called stress!

We are having a good time and then suddenly a thought pops in our head that things are not working out. Our world changes in an instant.

Yesterday I spent the day with a friend, laughing and enjoying myself. On the way home I started thinking, “My life is horrible because my husband Bob is gone.” From that moment on, I kept thinking how hard my life was instead of how much fun I had during the day.

After feeling sorry for myself for a few hours, made a decision that I had the power to change my attitude. Following are the steps I took to take care of myself:

• Made myself a cup of tea.
• Asked the Universe to grant me peace in allowing myself to be.
• Wrote in my “Happiness Journal” about the day I spent with my friend.
• Called a friend and made plans to spend a day at the beach.
• Watched the Pre-Trial Olympics
• Went to bed at a reasonable hour.
• Exercised in morning.

What a beautiful gift we receive each day, the power to take care of ourselves. Now is your turn to change your thoughts in an instant. What are you going to do nice for yourself today? Helen

Focusing On What You Have

2008-06-20T11:12:00.001-05:00

Comparing my insides to other people's outsides causes me problems.
--Joan Rohde

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes you think other people have it better than me? I remember passing a beautiful home and thinking, “Boy those people must be happy they have such a beautiful home.” As it turned out a few months later, I met the owners of the house at a party and to my surprise they both seemed so unhappy. The husband was nasty and the wife had such low self-esteem. You never know!

The secret is to acknowledge what you have instead of thinking other people have it better than you. Easier said than done!

Paula, name changed, had a great job and beautiful home. She never appreciated what she had, only focused on what she did not have. Paula thought everyone’s life was better and easier than hers.

We started working together and the first exercise I had Paula do was to look in the mirror every morning and say,”Life is good.” She had a hard time repeating the words. About a month into the process she was looking into the mirror and started to feel her life was getting better. What a great moment!

Continuing the process every morning it became easier and easier. Once Paula started enjoying her life, I had her acknowledge people for their kindness and journal each night what she enjoyed about her life. As time went on Paula woke up each morning and thanked the Universe for the special gifts she was receiving everyday.

Today Paula lives life from a different perspective and looks for the goodness in everything instead of what is missing.

Now is your turn to change your perspective. Plan on looking in the mirror every morning and saying, “Life is good.” Please let me know what special gifts you start receiving.

Helen

Finding Support

2008-06-17T20:24:00.003-05:00

Someone Is Always There for You

Stressful situations and trying times
are some of the realities of life.

When you experience them,
you may think they’ll never leave.

But even the most difficult times come and go,
and the strength you need to meet the situation
will be there for you in the helping hand
of a friend,in the compassion of a loved one
who cares,and in the listening ear of someone who knows
what you’re going through.

All you have to do is look up and reach out,
and someone will be there to share your troubles.
~ Linda E. Knight

Sometimes we think we are alone in this world and have to face our challenges all by ourselves. I learned people are there for you and feel honored when you reach out to them.

Terri, name changed, has health problems and her doctor advice was to lose 50 pounds. When she called me she was in despair and did not know what to do. Her first step was to start living in the moment and not think about how she would lose the weight in two weeks.

Together we devised a simple plan she felt comfortable putting into action. Following are the steps Terri implemented:

• Scheduled a family meeting and told everyone she wanted to lose weight and needed their help. They agreed to help and also wanted to follow her weight management plan.
• Cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and got rid of all the junk food. Everyone pitched in and made the job easier.
• Planned healthy meals with her family.
• Walked with her husband after dinner every evening.
• Rewarded herself everyday if she ate healthy and exercised. Terri’s reward was to take a long hot bath before going to bed.

Following this simple plan Terri started losing weight and within a year she was able to lose the 50 pounds and her health started improving. Not only did Terri lose weight her husband and children also lost their extra pounds.

Reaching out for help enabled Terri to receive the support and love she needed to achieve her goal. Not only was she supported her husband and children also received support and love as they were working together.

Now is your turn. Who can you ask today to support you? Remember all you have to do is reach out, and someone will be there to support you.

New Possibilities

2008-06-13T09:03:00.003-05:00

“No matter what our age or condition,
there are still untapped possibilities within us
and new beauty waiting to be born.”
Dale E Turner

Dale E. Turner’s gives us hope to continue our journey of looking for new possibilities in our lives. What encouragement!

We sometimes think our lives will never change then suddenly a miracle happens and new opportunities materializes. Let’s take for example you have been trying to lose weight and instead of losing you start gaining. Talking to a friend about your problem he suggests you both start eating healthy and join a gym together. Not only will you spend time together, support each other and at the same time lose weight. Opportunities do materialize when we look for them.

Jackie, name changed, was in a real slump and worrying about everything, there was no joy in her life. Her ex-husband suggested she call a coach and gave her my name and phone number.

Jackie called and told me everything that was going wrong in her life. After listening for awhile and acknowledging her for what was happening, I asked, “What is going right in your life?” There was dead silence and in a whisper she said, “I don’t know.”

I explained how sometimes we only focus on what is not working in our lives and forget to acknowledge what miracles we were receiving. The blessing was she could change her thinking.

Jackie wanted to start changing her attitude right away. She took the steps below which helped changed her thinking. Today she has a smile on her face and is living life from a different perspective. Another miracle happened her whole family is now happier and enjoying each other.

Some of the steps Jackie took to change her thinking:
1. Shared with her husband before getting out of bed how much she loved him and why he made her happy. He also shared his love for her and how she made him happy. Their relationship became loving and supportive.
2. Woke her children up with a smile on her face. Smiling is contagious and when they saw their mom they also smilled. What a great way to start the day, smiling.
3. Kept her Possibilities Journal with her at all times and wrote down different opportunities as they were happening. This way she was reminded what possibilities were materializing in her life.
4. At dinner the whole family shared at least one thing that made them happy during the day. By sharing with each other gave everyone an opportunity to acknowledge what was happening in their lives.
5. Took time for herself, Jackie felt this was the best part of her day. By spending time alone she was giving herself the gift of self-kindness.

Now is your opportunity to acknowledge the new possibilities that are materializing in your life. The secret for happiness is acknowledging who you are and the miracles happening in your life. Today is a new day and a great opportunity to start new rituals. Enjoy!

Beauty in the World

2008-06-11T09:17:00.001-05:00

CAPTURE THE MOMENT
By Helen Burton

Looking outside my office window I see the birds and chipmunks. The bird in front of my window is a finch and his color is beautiful. I love the vibrant yellow and black markings. There is another finch at another feeder whose colors look faded. What a contrast.

The chipmunks are running on the ground and they are so cute. There are two of them, they are chasing each other and seem to be having a good time.

Sitting on my desk and looking out the window is my cat Alfie. His tail is wagging and he is just watching.

I feel complete and happy just watching the different birds at the feeders and how simple life can be. Sometimes we make life so hard and try to make things happen. If we just sit back and look around us we will see beauty.

Thank you, Mother Nature for creating beauty in the world.

We also have the opportunity to create beauty in our lives. Take a moment and think about the last time you did something nice for yourself or someone else. Come on it can’t be that hard!

I was working with a client and she had a hard time losing weight. Susan (name changed) kept complaining she was a failure and would never lose weight. Her weekly assignment was to do something nice for herself everyday. It took Susan three weeks to do something nice for herself. She finally went to the store and bought hand cream. While putting on the hand cream she continually said out loud, “I am taking care of myself.” Eventually it became easier to take care of herself. She started eating healthier, exercising and treating herself with kindness. Miracles happened, she started losing weight and realized she was a beautiful person.

With the renew self-confidence Susan started working at a Women’s Center playing with abused children. What a beautiful gift she is giving to the World.

Now it is your turn to share the beauty you create in the world with the Love Yourself – It Matters! Community Helen