Today's thought from Hazelden is:
We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.
“We do not believe in perfection, we believe in mending. We make progress toward a goal, but we seldom move in a straight line toward it without missteps. Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and then spills it all over again. We try to do our best, but inevitably we make mistakes. So a large part of normal daily life is spent mending.
When we accept imperfection as a fact of life, we make peace with the constant need for repairs. Saying I made a mistake and I owe you an apology is never fun, but when we do it we grow stronger. Every disappointment, every complaint, points to an underlying hope or wish. We can use them to point us to repairs we would like to make. We do not learn anything new from correctly repeating what we already know. We learn from making mistakes and repairing them.
Select one complaint or one mistake that you want to mend and turn it into a learning experience.”
As you are reading the above quote what life imperfection comes to mind? Are you beating yourself for not being in control, having trouble relating to anyone or do you feel you are not moving fast enough in accomplishing your goals?
As I am moving on my bereavement journey sometimes I make a turn and feel like my life is falling apart. It takes a conversation with someone close to me to help me re-enter the right track. As the quote above states, “Life is like a zigzag chain of events that first brings everything together just as we want and spills it all over again.” What I am learning instead of focusing on the mistakes STOP take a deep breath and think about what you learned from the experience.
Francis was always beating herself up because she was a vegetarian and felt deprived if there wasn’t a big bowl of candy waiting for her at the end of the day. She continually told herself, “If I eat healthy during the day I won’t want the candy at night.” As the night proceeded she always sat down with the bowl. Francis even tried having her husband hide the candy and when it was not available she would run to the store and buy more. This pattern went on for a long period of time. What Francis did not realize was if we continue doing the same thing over and over nothing changes. We have to learn from our mistakes and make changes.
We started working together and after Francis told me what was happening we decided to try a new approach to her circumstances. The first step was to stop blaming herself for eating the candy and acknowledge herself for being a loving and kind person. For the next few months Francis worked on making amends to herself for constantly being her worst critic and opponent.
Gradually she started realizing that befriending herself gave her self-confidence and the willingness not to eat the candy and have a piece of fruit and nuts instead. What a beautiful gift she gave herself.
Now it is your turn to select one issue that is making you unhappy and turn it into a learning experience. Do you have to make amends to yourself or someone else or take a new approach? Take the following steps:
• Write about what is making you unhappy.
• List the reasons you don’t want to change anything.
• List what changes you are willing to make.
• Review both lists.
• List the one to two small things you will change and by when.
• Share with someone or let the Love Yourself – It Matters Community know what changes you are willing to make and by when.
• The best gift you can give yourself is ask for support as you are progressing down life’s journey.
Good luck on your new journey! I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Creating a New Attitude
Look on the Bright Side
“For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.
For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.
For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.
For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.
You can’t always change the way things are,
But you can change the way you wish to see them.
Never stop looking
For the brighter side and beyond.”
Eric T. Moore
As you are reading Eric Moore’s quote and exercise above what thoughts pop into your mind?
Following are my answers to the exercise:
For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.
Negative: I am alone in the world.
Positive: My family members and friends love to be with me.
Positive: I am receiving beautiful gifts from the Universe constantly. Example: My warmth and smile.
For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.
Should’ve: Had more of a social life instead of only spent time with Bob.
Acknowledgement: I have been meeting new people and exploring new opportunities.
For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.
Loss: Losing my husband and best friend.
Gained: New confidence in myself, the wiliness to explore new opportunities and build a social life.
For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.
Limit: Feeling that I have to run my business by myself.
Possibility: There are people who I have employed that are specialists in their field and have helped my business grow by leaps and bounds.
Now it is your turn to take out a piece of paper and write down the answers for each section. Once you have completed the exercise put your answers next to the phone and after each phone call read what you have written. Also, please leave your answers on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. By reading our responses on the blog we will learn about the different changes everyone is making in their life. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
“For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.
For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.
For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.
For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.
You can’t always change the way things are,
But you can change the way you wish to see them.
Never stop looking
For the brighter side and beyond.”
Eric T. Moore
As you are reading Eric Moore’s quote and exercise above what thoughts pop into your mind?
Following are my answers to the exercise:
For every negative that consumes your happiness,
Affirm two positive that sustain you.
Negative: I am alone in the world.
Positive: My family members and friends love to be with me.
Positive: I am receiving beautiful gifts from the Universe constantly. Example: My warmth and smile.
For every “should’ve you wish you’d done,
Acknowledge something you’re glad you did.
Should’ve: Had more of a social life instead of only spent time with Bob.
Acknowledgement: I have been meeting new people and exploring new opportunities.
For every loss that has altered your world,
Count from it something you have gained.
Loss: Losing my husband and best friend.
Gained: New confidence in myself, the wiliness to explore new opportunities and build a social life.
For every limit that has ever beset you,
Consider your possibilities.
Limit: Feeling that I have to run my business by myself.
Possibility: There are people who I have employed that are specialists in their field and have helped my business grow by leaps and bounds.
Now it is your turn to take out a piece of paper and write down the answers for each section. Once you have completed the exercise put your answers next to the phone and after each phone call read what you have written. Also, please leave your answers on the Love Yourself – It Matters Blog. By reading our responses on the blog we will learn about the different changes everyone is making in their life. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Living a Clean, Sober and Prosperous Life!
Periodically, I invite special guests to submit an article for the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. I invited Dan Callahan, LMSW founder of the Last Resort PA, Panamas Premiere Recovery Center, a Drug and Alcohol Rehab.
Dan has a unique method of assisting those in need to overcome their challenges with addictions. He has been successful with some of the most difficult of cases. Thank you Dan for the beautiful gift you are giving to others.
Living a Clean, Sober and Prosperous Life!
“Success is the attainment of a worthy Goal or ideal” Earl Nightingale. Recovery begins at the onset of abstinence from the individual’s drug of choice. Successful recovery is the attainment of a worthy goal or ideal. There are two phases of the recovery process, rehabilitation and recovery. Rehabilitation is setting the groundwork, the foundation of the recovery process. Making the decision to abstain from mind-altering substances, implementing the principles, steps and strategies to eradicate the obsession to “use.” For example, an individual utilizing the 12-step approach to recover would complete the rehabilitation process after step-10 is implemented on a daily basis.
In 1956 Earl Nightingale recorded “The Strangest Secret”. At the time Earl owned a small insurance company. Earl actually recorded the session for his sales force to listen to while he was away for a trip. The recording became so popular that it was released to the public.
Earl did not claim that he had news of this suppressed secret of success. Actually he states just the opposite. In Earl’s humble words, it is not a secret at all. The teachings go back since the beginning of recorded time! The truth is that people fail to “Think”, they conform, Conformity! For the recovered individual conformity comes in two forms: 1) Conformity is often disguised as complacency. 2) Conformity comes when the individual stops focusing on their two recovery objectives.
Living a clean, sober and prosperous life involves focusing on two recovery objectives with a positive mental attitude in place: 1) Setting your family and personal goals. 2) Giving back to the still suffering and recently recovered addict & or alcoholic or some other worthy cause.
On Sundays I like to head to the beach. I was raised on Long Island and hitting the beach was a normal activity. I usually hit a local beach at Las Olas it is a Pacific Ocean beach. The under current at this beach is extremely dangerous and to top it off there are no lifeguards. People are cautious and respect the danger.
I enjoy walking the beach because it calms me and it gives me some additional exercise. I love to listen to the waves break, watch the various sea birds soar and the dolphins breach the surface. Life can often be like the waves. They come crashing in with a thunderous roar and settle on the beach. Yet right behind it is another wave breaking the shoreline one after another. At times seemingly beating the life out of you.
Early in my own recovery I remember hearing folks share how wonderful it was to wake up in the morning and hear the birds sing. In my insanity I would think, those damn birds are waking me up! I always held the negative perspective. However, over the course of time I learned that life is good. Life is enjoyable. I found out that if I believe that life is good and keep my attitude positive then good things happen. It is the doom and gloom attitude that dims the soul.
Developing an attitude of gratitude requires cultivation and time. Focusing on recoveries two objectives is a lifelong process. Nothing less will do.
Daniel J. Callahan, LMSW
Visit Dan’s Blog at www.rehabthelastresortpa.blogspot.com and website at www.thelastresortpa.com to learn more about the wonderful work he is providing to others in need.
Dan has a unique method of assisting those in need to overcome their challenges with addictions. He has been successful with some of the most difficult of cases. Thank you Dan for the beautiful gift you are giving to others.
Living a Clean, Sober and Prosperous Life!
“Success is the attainment of a worthy Goal or ideal” Earl Nightingale. Recovery begins at the onset of abstinence from the individual’s drug of choice. Successful recovery is the attainment of a worthy goal or ideal. There are two phases of the recovery process, rehabilitation and recovery. Rehabilitation is setting the groundwork, the foundation of the recovery process. Making the decision to abstain from mind-altering substances, implementing the principles, steps and strategies to eradicate the obsession to “use.” For example, an individual utilizing the 12-step approach to recover would complete the rehabilitation process after step-10 is implemented on a daily basis.
In 1956 Earl Nightingale recorded “The Strangest Secret”. At the time Earl owned a small insurance company. Earl actually recorded the session for his sales force to listen to while he was away for a trip. The recording became so popular that it was released to the public.
Earl did not claim that he had news of this suppressed secret of success. Actually he states just the opposite. In Earl’s humble words, it is not a secret at all. The teachings go back since the beginning of recorded time! The truth is that people fail to “Think”, they conform, Conformity! For the recovered individual conformity comes in two forms: 1) Conformity is often disguised as complacency. 2) Conformity comes when the individual stops focusing on their two recovery objectives.
Living a clean, sober and prosperous life involves focusing on two recovery objectives with a positive mental attitude in place: 1) Setting your family and personal goals. 2) Giving back to the still suffering and recently recovered addict & or alcoholic or some other worthy cause.
On Sundays I like to head to the beach. I was raised on Long Island and hitting the beach was a normal activity. I usually hit a local beach at Las Olas it is a Pacific Ocean beach. The under current at this beach is extremely dangerous and to top it off there are no lifeguards. People are cautious and respect the danger.
I enjoy walking the beach because it calms me and it gives me some additional exercise. I love to listen to the waves break, watch the various sea birds soar and the dolphins breach the surface. Life can often be like the waves. They come crashing in with a thunderous roar and settle on the beach. Yet right behind it is another wave breaking the shoreline one after another. At times seemingly beating the life out of you.
Early in my own recovery I remember hearing folks share how wonderful it was to wake up in the morning and hear the birds sing. In my insanity I would think, those damn birds are waking me up! I always held the negative perspective. However, over the course of time I learned that life is good. Life is enjoyable. I found out that if I believe that life is good and keep my attitude positive then good things happen. It is the doom and gloom attitude that dims the soul.
Developing an attitude of gratitude requires cultivation and time. Focusing on recoveries two objectives is a lifelong process. Nothing less will do.
Daniel J. Callahan, LMSW
Visit Dan’s Blog at www.rehabthelastresortpa.blogspot.com and website at www.thelastresortpa.com to learn more about the wonderful work he is providing to others in need.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Life's LIttle Gifts
Saturday, August 16, 2008 was Jill, my daughter, and Bill’s wedding. It was a beautiful sunny cool day and everyone looked beautiful.
Jill and Bill planned the wedding for a year and everything was perfect. The hall looked beautiful and everyone had a great time dancing. It was a fairytale wedding.
While watching them during the ceremony it brought back memories of how Bob and I were. We shared our dreams, traveled and enjoyed life's little things. What I wish for Jill and Bill is a life filled with happiness, compassion for each other and enjoyment of the little things.
Isn’t it amazing how much planning goes into a wedding and then within 5 to 6 hours it is over. The secret is to enjoy the planning stage of an event and then when the night finally arrives enjoy the people.
While writing this post I was thinking how most people live very busy lives, hoping something will happen or planning an event. They do not take the time each day to smell the flowers and be grateful for what is happening in the moment.
It has taken me many years to finally STOP for a moment and appreciate what is happening around me. I have STOPPED for the moment and following are the gifts that bring a smile to my face.
• The sun is shinning and there is a slight breeze blowing.
• The music is playing in the background.
• My cats Alice and Alfie are sitting right next to me.
• I have many friends and family members who support and love me.
• I have a beauty parlor appointment today to get my hair done.
• Love writing on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.
Now it is your turn to STOP for a moment and think of all the small things in life you are grateful for. Together let’s build a list which we can share with each other . I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
Jill and Bill planned the wedding for a year and everything was perfect. The hall looked beautiful and everyone had a great time dancing. It was a fairytale wedding.
While watching them during the ceremony it brought back memories of how Bob and I were. We shared our dreams, traveled and enjoyed life's little things. What I wish for Jill and Bill is a life filled with happiness, compassion for each other and enjoyment of the little things.
Isn’t it amazing how much planning goes into a wedding and then within 5 to 6 hours it is over. The secret is to enjoy the planning stage of an event and then when the night finally arrives enjoy the people.
While writing this post I was thinking how most people live very busy lives, hoping something will happen or planning an event. They do not take the time each day to smell the flowers and be grateful for what is happening in the moment.
It has taken me many years to finally STOP for a moment and appreciate what is happening around me. I have STOPPED for the moment and following are the gifts that bring a smile to my face.
• The sun is shinning and there is a slight breeze blowing.
• The music is playing in the background.
• My cats Alice and Alfie are sitting right next to me.
• I have many friends and family members who support and love me.
• I have a beauty parlor appointment today to get my hair done.
• Love writing on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog.
Now it is your turn to STOP for a moment and think of all the small things in life you are grateful for. Together let’s build a list which we can share with each other . I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Dreams Do Come True
“You are never given a dream
without also being
given the power
to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.”
Richard Bach
What comes to your mind as you read this quote? It gives me the security that I have the power within myself supporting me in taking the steps to reach my goal.
I once heard that success is in taking the steps not reaching your goal. Once a goal is reached most people take it for granted and start thinking what is next.
Pauline had an appointment with an exercise trainer and was very excited. She arrived at the gym ten minutes early and walked around watching the people exercise. All of a sudden fear popped its ugly head and her thoughts started telling her, “What makes you think you can exercise like that girl over there she has a great body and you are fat?”
Pauline almost walked out of the gym when her trainer walked over and introduced herself. Now she was stuck and had to stay. Terri, her trainer, took her to a secluded area and asked a bunch of questions. Slowly Pauline started to calm down.
Terri explained they were going to start slowly, make sure Pauline felt comfortable with the exercises and did not hurt herself. They started working together and as time went by Pauline had the power within herself to continue the program. Today she exercises five times a week and loves the way she looks.
What is your dream? Is it to lose weight, change your job, build your business or just feel good about yourself? Knowing you have been given the power to make your dream come true what small step can you take today to get started? Below are some small steps you can take:
• Take a walk.
• Surf the Internet and look for new job opportunities.
• Attend a Networking Meeting.
• Take time out of your busy day to take a mini-vacation. Spend 10 minutes a day doing something that makes you happy.
• Visit a gym in your area.
• Eat one healthy meal today and next week eat two healthy meals. Gradually add healthy meals until you are eating all healthy meals.
Lets us know what small steps you are taking and bragging about what is happening. I love hearing your successes and celebrating with you! On the other hand, let us know what challenges you are facing and together we will solve them.
Helen
without also being
given the power
to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.”
Richard Bach
What comes to your mind as you read this quote? It gives me the security that I have the power within myself supporting me in taking the steps to reach my goal.
I once heard that success is in taking the steps not reaching your goal. Once a goal is reached most people take it for granted and start thinking what is next.
Pauline had an appointment with an exercise trainer and was very excited. She arrived at the gym ten minutes early and walked around watching the people exercise. All of a sudden fear popped its ugly head and her thoughts started telling her, “What makes you think you can exercise like that girl over there she has a great body and you are fat?”
Pauline almost walked out of the gym when her trainer walked over and introduced herself. Now she was stuck and had to stay. Terri, her trainer, took her to a secluded area and asked a bunch of questions. Slowly Pauline started to calm down.
Terri explained they were going to start slowly, make sure Pauline felt comfortable with the exercises and did not hurt herself. They started working together and as time went by Pauline had the power within herself to continue the program. Today she exercises five times a week and loves the way she looks.
What is your dream? Is it to lose weight, change your job, build your business or just feel good about yourself? Knowing you have been given the power to make your dream come true what small step can you take today to get started? Below are some small steps you can take:
• Take a walk.
• Surf the Internet and look for new job opportunities.
• Attend a Networking Meeting.
• Take time out of your busy day to take a mini-vacation. Spend 10 minutes a day doing something that makes you happy.
• Visit a gym in your area.
• Eat one healthy meal today and next week eat two healthy meals. Gradually add healthy meals until you are eating all healthy meals.
Lets us know what small steps you are taking and bragging about what is happening. I love hearing your successes and celebrating with you! On the other hand, let us know what challenges you are facing and together we will solve them.
Helen
Monday, August 4, 2008
Being Kinder to Yourself
Are you being kind to yourself? Today is a new day and we have a choice to either continue doing the same thing and hoping for another result or do something different.
I was thinking about why we are the hardest on ourselves. The thought popped into my mind the reason being we want to look perfect and to achieve that we have to be hard on ourselves. How can we change this situation and be kinder to ourselves. I asked my clients, coaches, friends and family members what they do to make sure they were kinder to themselves. Following are some suggestions:
1. Before getting out of bed in the morning decide what you are going to do nice for yourself that day. Make sure you do it!
2. Be kind to yourself.
3. While taking a shower sing your favorite song.
4. After putting your make-up on look in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look pretty.”
5. After shaving looking in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look handsome.”
6. Today only eat healthy meals.
7. Spend time alone each day daydreaming.
8. Spend time with your family members sharing what made you happy today.
9. Reading your “Happiness Journal.” A journal listing all the things that made you happy in the past.
10. Keep telling yourself, "I am perfect just the way I am."
Affirmation: I give myself permission to be the number one person in my life today!
Now it is Your Turn!
What ideas can you add to the above list? Please let me know and together we can create a list of suggestions to ensure we are the number one in our lives. You can hit the comment button and leave your suggestions.
I was thinking about why we are the hardest on ourselves. The thought popped into my mind the reason being we want to look perfect and to achieve that we have to be hard on ourselves. How can we change this situation and be kinder to ourselves. I asked my clients, coaches, friends and family members what they do to make sure they were kinder to themselves. Following are some suggestions:
1. Before getting out of bed in the morning decide what you are going to do nice for yourself that day. Make sure you do it!
2. Be kind to yourself.
3. While taking a shower sing your favorite song.
4. After putting your make-up on look in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look pretty.”
5. After shaving looking in the mirror and tell yourself, “You look handsome.”
6. Today only eat healthy meals.
7. Spend time alone each day daydreaming.
8. Spend time with your family members sharing what made you happy today.
9. Reading your “Happiness Journal.” A journal listing all the things that made you happy in the past.
10. Keep telling yourself, "I am perfect just the way I am."
Affirmation: I give myself permission to be the number one person in my life today!
Now it is Your Turn!
What ideas can you add to the above list? Please let me know and together we can create a list of suggestions to ensure we are the number one in our lives. You can hit the comment button and leave your suggestions.
Saturday, August 2, 2008
Happy Childhood Memories
As you are reading this blog, think about the times in your childhood when you felt happy and secure. Did you have a favorite craft, stuffed animal, toy, or shared a special time with someone?
While reading the book, “The Friday Night Knitting Club” by Kate Jacobs, I started thinking about the times when I learned how to knit. In the evenings sitting in the kitchen with my mother we would knit and she would tell me stories of her childhood. I remember how happy and content I felt. The best part was my sisters were sleeping, my father was reading the newspaper and I was alone with my mother.
As I entered my teenage years the knitting was put aside. I did not pick up the needles and yarn again until I was pregnant with my daughter and started making baby clothes. I continued knitting until my daughters were three or four years old. Tried again when my grandson was born and made him a sweater. That was the end of the knitting era for me.
Last weekend I walked by a knitting store and felt the urge to knit a scarf. Not acting on my inner feelings I walked by and thought about it all week. Yesterday I walked by the same store and acted on the impulse to walk inside.
Once inside the store I saw all the beautiful yarns and allowed myself to try knitting a row. It is amazing how I remembered instantly how to cast on, knit and purl stitches. My daughter made the comment, “Knitting is like riding a bike you never forget.”
I treated myself and bought the yarn, needles and instructions to make a scarf. Last night while listening to music I worked on my scarf. It was so relaxing and I thought about the times I sat in the kitchen with my mother and we both knitted together.
Today as I was telling friends about my knitting experiences it brought a smile to their faces. They started sharing how they learned to knit and how happy it made them feel.
Now it is your turn to share your childhood memories about your favorite craft, stuffed animal, toy, or a special time you spent wtih someone. Leave your stories on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
While reading the book, “The Friday Night Knitting Club” by Kate Jacobs, I started thinking about the times when I learned how to knit. In the evenings sitting in the kitchen with my mother we would knit and she would tell me stories of her childhood. I remember how happy and content I felt. The best part was my sisters were sleeping, my father was reading the newspaper and I was alone with my mother.
As I entered my teenage years the knitting was put aside. I did not pick up the needles and yarn again until I was pregnant with my daughter and started making baby clothes. I continued knitting until my daughters were three or four years old. Tried again when my grandson was born and made him a sweater. That was the end of the knitting era for me.
Last weekend I walked by a knitting store and felt the urge to knit a scarf. Not acting on my inner feelings I walked by and thought about it all week. Yesterday I walked by the same store and acted on the impulse to walk inside.
Once inside the store I saw all the beautiful yarns and allowed myself to try knitting a row. It is amazing how I remembered instantly how to cast on, knit and purl stitches. My daughter made the comment, “Knitting is like riding a bike you never forget.”
I treated myself and bought the yarn, needles and instructions to make a scarf. Last night while listening to music I worked on my scarf. It was so relaxing and I thought about the times I sat in the kitchen with my mother and we both knitted together.
Today as I was telling friends about my knitting experiences it brought a smile to their faces. They started sharing how they learned to knit and how happy it made them feel.
Now it is your turn to share your childhood memories about your favorite craft, stuffed animal, toy, or a special time you spent wtih someone. Leave your stories on the Love Yourself – It Matters! Blog. I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Helen
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